


Life

by Lyrictenner



Category: B.A.P, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Boarding School, Bullying, Child Abuse, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Isolation, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-26 04:03:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20735930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyrictenner/pseuds/Lyrictenner
Summary: Trigger Warning!!!If you are highly sensitive to physical and sexual abuse then I recommend you not to read this story. This story bares down on dark themes and it will be full of sadness.I also want to warn you that I will be writing this story in different writing POV's and it will sometimes be written as a screenplay style.  If constant different writing styles bother you then you might not want to read this story.





	1. Information for Story

**Characters**

**Bang Yongguk**

**Roommate:**

Kim Namjoon

**Relationships:**

Yoongi (Ex Best friend/Lover)

Jin (Rival)

Namjoon (Best friend)

Jimin (He thinks of Jimin as his play thing)

Jungkook (Unknown)

Taehyung (Just knows him as the boy he constantly bullies)

Hoseok (Doesn’t know him)

**Information:**

Yongguk is known as the school bully and player. The constant sleeping around was the main reason why Suga broke up with Yongguk. Has a very dark life and it made him the way he is now.

**Min Yoongi**

**Roommate:**

Seokjin

**Relationships:**

Yongguk (Ex Best friend/Lover)

Jin (Childhood friend and lover)

Namjoon (Use to be good friends but not anymore)

Jimin (Doesn’t know him)

Jungkook (Doesn’t know him)

Taehyung (Doesn’t know him)

Hoseok (Doesn’t know him)

**Information:**

Yoongi, like Yongguk, use to be a bully, although he is not a bully anymore he can still be a little rough with people. Yoongi also hates it when someone is being rough with him because of the constant beatings he gets from his father so he easily flinches. When he is also frustrated or feels wronged he tends to get physical. He only gets physical because of what he experienced from his father.

**Kim Namjoon**

**Roommate:**

Bang Yongguk

**Relationships:**

Yoongi (Use to be friends/Despises him now)

Jin (Doesn’t know him)

Yongguk (Best friend but is also confused about him)

Jimin (Doesn’t like Jimin)

Jungkook (Complicated relationship)

Taehyung (Doesn’t know him)

Hoseok (Doesn’t know him)

**Information:**

His mother is sick and his father started a new family even when the mother is ill. Namjoon hates his father with a burning passion and he is working hard, especially since he was given a scholarship for the boarding school he attends now. Namjoon can only support himself because whenever he asked his father to help, his father refused and used his money for his other family. He’s also tutoring Jungkook, who is the principles son, to pay for his dorm room and everything. He has difficulty with Jungkook because Jungkook always insults him or speaks in a tone he doesn’t like.

Namjoon also was alongside bullying others with Yongguk until he had gotten a warning about being kicked out of the boarding school. From that warning he stopped torturing others and instead focused on his studies.

**Kim Seokjin**

**Roommate:**

Suga

**Relationships:**

Yoongi (Childhood Friend and Best friend/Lover)

Yongguk (Rival)

Namjoon (Doesn’t know him)

Jimin (Doesn’t know him)

Jungkook (Doesn’t know him)

Taehyung (Doesn’t know him)

Hoseok (Classmate)

**Information:**

Jin knew Suga first when they met as children. They were neighbors and he would see him time to time outside. One day Jin had been scolded by his mom for eating all the food they just bought. Annoyed that he kept getting scolded for eating all the food when he didn’t he decided to hide and watch the fridge all day. Then one day he saw Suga sneak through his kitchen window and went to the fridge and grab handfuls of food. Jin then jumped out and that’s how their relationship started.

**Jung Hoseok**

**Roommate:**

Kim Taehyung

**Relationships:**

Yoongi (Classmate)

Jin (Classmate)

Namjoon (Classmate)

Jimin (Doesn’t know him)

Jungkook (Doesn’t know him)

Taehyung (Taehyung creeps him out)

Yongguk (Sees him around bullying people and also in some of his classes)

**Information:**

He’s new to the school and was placed with Taehyung as a roommate. He is in the same place as Namjoon with money problems and he has several jobs afterschool and during the weekend.

**Park Jimin**

**Roommate:**

No one

**Relationships:**

Yoongi (Doesn’t really know him just knows he use to be best friends with Namjoon and Yongguk)

Jin (Doesn’t know him)

Namjoon (Use to be bullied by him)

Yongguk (Scared of him but also attracted to him)

Jungkook (Classmate)

Taehyung (Classmate)

Hoseok (Doesn’t know him)

**Information:**

Jimin has very bad anxiety at times, that’s why his parents pushed the school to give him a room for just him. They can’t take care of him either because they are abroad at the moment, so they thought a boarding school would be good for him.

**Kim Taehyung**

**Roommate:**

Jung Hoseok

**Relationships:**

Yoongi (He use to be bullied by him)

Jin (Doesn’t know him)

Namjoon (Use to be bullied by him)

Yongguk (Gets bullied by him)

Jungkook (Bestfriend)

Jimin (Classmate)

Hoseok (Just sees him as his roomate)

**Information:**

Has some odd things about him but other than that he is normal. His family is well off and decided to put him in boarding school too get a better education.

**Jeon Jungkook**

**Roommate:**

Kim Namjoon

**Relationships:**

Yoongi (Doesn’t know him)

Jin (Doesn’t know him)

Namjoon (His tutor)

Jimin (Classmate)

Yongguk (Unknown)

Taehyung (Bestfriend)

Hoseok (Doesn’t know him)

**Information:**

Jungkook has a bad habit of saying anything he wants anytime he wants. Sometimes he may say something rude but doesn’t mean to be rude. He just doesn’t know how to give compliments.


	2. He was at it Again/ Grief/ Written Plan/ Messed Up

**Time: 3:58 AM**

** Jhope:** He was at it again. What was he thinking? That I didn’t notice? That I didn’t hear? Oh, I heard, it was loud and clear. His moans and the small sound of the thrusting were pulsating through the room. What was he even using to pleasure himself? Did I want to know? Hearing his low moans made me go hard, not doing anything about my boner was painful and I swallowed as I decided to take action. Immediately I sat up and looked over to my roommate. “Yah! “I can hear you! I’ve known what you’ve been doing since the first day I came here! I was just pretending to sleep but I can’t deal with this anymore!” My palms went sweaty from my bodacious action. The male peaked out from under his blanket. Slowly he sat up, the blanket falling off his chest. Movement was happening under the blanket and then his hand was no longer under the protection of his comforter. My eyes widened when I saw the sex toy he was using in his hand, he smirked and dropped the toy on the floor. It dropped with a thud and my spine shivered. 

“W-w-w-w-w-whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the hell!” I was freaking out, my jaw went slack and my eyes widening. 

**Taehyung:** “I always knew you knew. I could tell by your expression.” I said playfully, his expression was priceless. “You could never make eye contact with me.” 

**Jhope:** I was speechless; I needed a moment to recollect myself. “Okay, just to make sure I’m clear on this…. You knew that I knew all along and you continued to do these vulgar things?” He was leaning back on the wall too casually and I had no words for this. The boy nodded too enthusiastically.

**Taehyung:** “Yes, why would I stop? I need to pleasure myself.” I said with a smile cemented on my face. I think my roommate's name was Hoseok. Hoseok looked at a loss for words and he was still in the shocked phase. He stood up, blanket and pillow in his hands and he walked out of the room without uttering a word. He looked really traumatized. “Hey, where are you going?” I called out but he was long gone by the time I asked. I shrugged and reached out for my toy.

**///**

** Jin:** “Why do you go back home?” My voice was soft and low, the way Yoongi liked it, he didn’t like things too loud, it caused him a headache and loud things reminded him of his father. I was sitting on the floor, the carpet tickling my bare legs as I smothered Yoongi with my tender stare. His body was stripped away from any fabric of clothing and he lay on his side as his tired eyes were fixed on me. My fingers hovered over his side, bruises specking his pale skin.

**Suga:** “Don’t worry about the reason.” My voice matched Jin’s low spoken tone. “Don’t stare too much. You’ll end up crying again.”

**Jin:** I didn’t say anything. Neither did I pull my gaze away from the bruises. I counted them, 5 in total, including a large one that covered his entire side, one that my fingers hovered over with care at this very moment. “Do you like getting hit? Is that it? Or do you like seeing me sad?” The dim lights made my mood even grimmer. 

**Suga:** I closed my eyes. “Jin.” I pulled a blanket over myself. “Stop.” 

**Jin:** “Yoongi.” I released a sigh. This would be the part where we would start arguing, things would turn nasty and words that shouldn’t be mouthed would be out in the open. Just for this one time, I let it go. I didn’t want mines or Yoongi’s feelings to be hurt and right now Yoongi didn’t need that. The hand that was hovering over him was now slipping under his blanket. His body shivered from the contact of my hand encircling around his cock. It was simmering with warmth as I stroked it. “Does it feel good?”

**Suga:** Smothering my face in the depths of my pillow I nodded. My breathing began to accelerate from Jin touching me.

**Jin:** I fondled and caressed his cock until he came into my hand. 

**/// **

**Jungkook:** I scribbled across the paper. Ugh, this was all a complete waste of time. This would never work. I thought as I went over the plan I made of making Namjoon mine. Every time I had attempted to abide through my strategy to let Namjoon know I liked him, insults would leak out of my mouth instead of the caring words that I knew would make Namjoon fall head over heels for me. He would probably even kiss me if I could just stick to the plan. Looking over to the clock, I was astonished from the time. Damn, this planning took a lot of time. I thought as I clapped and the lights went off. I can do it this time; I can get through this without insulting him. I concluded as I slipped under the blanket and went to sleep.

**/// **

**Yongguk:** Pressing my face even harder against the bed he quickened his pace, my grunts distinct and full of displeasure. Focus on something else, focus on your bruised lip, focus on the aching pain on your side from the stab wound and the warmth of the blood that was spewing out, focus on anything else other than the fact that your own dad was inside you and destroying you. I let out a disgruntled groan, my hands clenched on the fabric of his blankets and my breath shook. My father yelled at me, “Take it like a man Yongguk! Take it like a fucking man!” I would have scoffed from his comment if I wasn’t in this situation. When he was done with me he left me there, I could hear the zip of his pants and the clanking of his belt as he fixed himself up and walked away oblivious and without a care in the world as if he didn’t rape his own son. I stayed on that bed, muscles tense and tongue going over the cut that was on my lower lip. Everything began to shimmer and fade and suddenly I was back in my dorm. Sweat coated me and my sheets. My breathing was heavy and it took me over a minute to control it. Looking over to Namjoon’s bed I saw that it was empty, his sheets were still neatly done and untouched. Eyes lingering around the room I finally spotted him through the blurry haze of my vision, his head was laying on an opened textbook, both hands were on top of the desk, one hand holding a calculator while the other holding a pencil. 

Sitting up from the sweat-soaked blankets I ran my hands over my face and stood up. I had a glimpse of myself in the mirror, pale and revolting. I couldn’t stand looking at myself, it was repulsive. The nightmare had sent me in a disgruntled condition and my entire body shook as my glassy eyes looked around the room again. Maneuvering to Namjoon’s bed I yanked the blanket from his bed and walked to the sleeping boy. Putting the blanket over him I let out another shiver as the nightmare continued to linger in my mind. With a scoff, I left the room and into the lounge. All I could do was sit on the couch until morning broke out. I had nodded to sleep a few times but abruptly woke up when my father’s face arose in my mind and his sickening moans reverberated through my ears. All I could do was release a weak laugh. 

When the sun brightened out the dim room, I saw him come out. His orange dyed hair stuck out in all sorts of directions and his tired eyes looked around as his hand slipped under his shirt and rubbed the surface of his stomach. Yoongi was a pleasure to look at, even when he had just woken up. He didn’t notice me as he was making his way to the bathroom, he always woke up early in the morning, and he was always devoted to his strict routine when it came to waking up and getting ready for classes. It wasn’t like he was like Namjoon who wanted to get an early start so he could do extra studying before the teacher came and gave out the lessons; it was mostly because of the bruises that were always drawn across his body, he despised it when people stared and asked him questions, so he preferred to wake up earlier than anybody else and take a shower before anyone could wake up and get ready. I never asked him about the bruises, just like he never asked me about mines. It did pique my interest to ask but at the moment I wouldn’t be able to speak my mind due to the lack of talking we did. Every time I tried to say a word to the boy he would give me a quick witted response and the both of us would be throwing fists at each other and I would hurt him more then he would hurt me, the last thing I wanted to do was add on to those bruises. I’d rather cater and protect the boy but it was a lot more difficult than expected and the heartache of us not being together would materialize and I hated the nagging misery that idled within me. So, it was best to stay away. 


	3. Something Else/ Cheating/ Catastrophe/ Break Up/ Kisses/ Make it Official

Time: 4:30 PM

Jhope: Gong Min Ji, it was imprinted on her student ID that hung on her lanyard. My fingers tapped anxiously on the desk as I waited a full five minutes. “Well? Is there anyone else I can room with?” I pressed and pushed but she only gave me a quick glance and looked back at the computer screen as if she didn’t hear a word I just said. Another full minute and my frown deepened. 

Kiseop: “Playing that stupid game again?” 

Jhope: A male had strolled up casually, leaning over the desk he took a peek at the computer screen and chuckled as Min Ji continued to have a bored expression and repeatedly clicked on her mouse. My patience broke, I stood here for a good 30 minutes while she was sitting there playing games! And here I was thinking that she was looking for another person I can room with. Frustrated, I threw my hands up and walked away. Today was the worse. Going up a flight of stairs, I stopped at the top. I heard voices over head, from what I heard, something unpleasant was going on. Peeking around the corner, I swallowed. Yongguk’s tall figure was there, he held onto a sketchbook and he was flipping through the pages, there was no care within his touch, just the savage turn of pages and even ripping some as he went through it. He let out a scoff. I looked at the other person, my stomach squirmed as I saw Taehyung standing there with his head bowed down.

Yongguk: “What the fuck is this shit? This is fucking disgusting.” 

Jhope: Yongguk hit Taehyung with his own sketchbook. The poor kid only stood there and took the hit. It was hit after hit, Taehyung’s lip quivered and his hands clenched into fists. When Yongguk stopped, he began to rip even more of the pages and scattered it on the floor, then with a taunting laugh, he left Taehyung to pick up the mess. I was hesitant, don’t blame me, after what I went through with this kid it was hard to face him, but I ended up going up to him to help the boy pick up the scattered pages. I took a glance of one of the pictures in my hands and blushed ferociously. Porn, of course. What did I expect this kid to draw? Flowers? But despite what he drew, it was drawn really well. I handed him the pieces and he gave me a soft smile.

Taehyung: “Thank you.” 

Jhope: His voice was low and sad; the tone of his voice told me that what Yongguk did to him had really gotten to him. “I’m sorry.” I mumbled.

Taehyung: I slowly looked up to Hoseok. He wasn’t looking at me, I couldn’t blame him. “You’re not going to make fun of me? That’s what everyone else does.” I looked back down; the papers in my hands began to crumple from my tight grasps on them. My hands shook violently. “It took me so long to draw that penis.” 

Jhope: I choked and sputtered a laugh as I looked at the boy wide eyed. I covered my mouth instantly so I could stop the laughs from erupting from my treacherous mouth. You can’t blame me from laughing, ok?

Taehyung: “It’s not funny! It took me a long time to perfect it!” I couldn’t help it but playfully hit Hoseok on the shoulder.

Jhope: “Okay, okay. Let’s go back to the dorm and tape them up.” I said trying to stop another laugh from escaping. This kid, he really was something else. We both stood up and made our way back to our room. 

///

Time: 5:12 PM

Jimin: “W-Wait, l-let’s stop. I don’t want to do this.” I pushed at his chest, his shirt wrinkled from the action. He continued to thrust inside me; it was slow and agonizingly good. “Yongguk, please, stop.” My mind betrayed me, while my mouth said stop, my mind said don’t, it said I wanted it harder and faster. I could feel the cool touch of the porcelain sink against my ass as I sat on top of it and as he refused to stop. 

Yongguk: “Shut the fuck up.” I breathed as I began to move in him faster and rougher. His cock was spewing cum already and he released a long moan mixed with pleasure and pain. His fingers were now digging into me as his back arched and his head knocked back into the mirror. I bent over, my lips roughly smashing onto his neck and sucking on it. I branded him with a trail of hickeys. Jimin was too busy enjoying me fucking him to notice the bathroom door open. Checking who had opened the door, I smirked. Yoongi stood there, he must’ve just woken up from one of his naps, his eyes gave away his exhaustion. He stared at us for a long moment. “Fuck, fuck, I’m going to cum inside you.” A smirk still played on my lips as I continued to look at Yoongi. Yoongi’s lips went into a tight line before he left and slammed the door closed behind him.

Jimin: My eyes went wide open as I heard the slam of the door. I tried to shove Yongguk away but he only pinned me there and I was unable to move. 

Yongguk: “You’re not going anywhere until I’m fucking done.” I said burying my face on his shoulder. 

Jimin: “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” My hands twisted in Yongguk’s tight hold on them. “Someone saw Yongguk, someone saw.” I said through a panic. 

Yongguk: “Don’t fucking worry, it wasn’t your ass of a boyfriend. The guy who saw us isn’t going to say anything.” I mumbled as I finally reached my limit. I pulled my face away from his shoulder and shuddered. Jimin let out one more last moan before I pulled out. “Tch.” I zipped and buttoned my pants before leaving the exhausted Jimin there to recollect himself. 

///

Jungkook: “Okay, step one. Compliment him when you see him.” Relax, Jungkook. Relax. Entering the library I saw him standing there, he was dressed in all black and he looked damn fucking good. My skin was generating sweat the closer I got to him. Namjoon didn’t notice me approach him; neither did he see me flatten my shirt and hair. He was pulling out massive textbooks from his bag and quietly putting them down with care so he wouldn’t disturb the silence in the library. My heartbeat skipped a beat and I blurted out “Tch, nice hair!” I did it. I complimented him. 

Namjoon: Jungkook. Eish, and here I thought I could get a little more precious moments of peace. And why did he sound so sarcastic? What was wrong with my hair? Looking at the boy I saw his smirk, he folded his arms as if he was proud of something and I self consciously ran my hand over my hair. “Don’t be so loud in the library.” I scolded and sat down. 

Jungkook: What? What was this?!? I just complimented him and in return he scolds me? Jeez. Looks like I need to go to plan B. Sitting down, I put down my books and I nervously ran my hand on my pants. Why was I sweating so much? Before I could manage to start plan B, a girl walked up to our table.

Girl: “Namjoon, right?” 

Jungkook: Namjoon didn’t even glance at her as he said ‘yes’. He was busy going through our lesson plan to even have any interest in her. 

Girl: “I want to go out with you.” 

Jungkook: That had gotten his attention; he had given the girl a baffled looked. My mouth went slightly open from the suddenness of this confession. Didn’t this girl see that he was mine? Didn’t she hear me compliment him? I’m pretty sure I said it loud enough for everyone to hear, and when a compliment leaves my mouth, which is rare, it means I like the person. “W-why do you wanna date this nerd?” Okay, that didn’t sound good. I just lost a point in winning this freaking guy’s heart. Dammit. Abort, abort, I can feel his glare on me. I sunk down in my chair. 

Namjoon: “Well, this NERD, is too busy for relationships.” My eyes were still on Jungkook, this kid really got to me, always insulting me for no reason, even looking down on me because I don’t have money like him. I looked at the girl; she was kinda cute. “I’m sorry.” She released a pout and walked away. “Hmmm, if only I wasn’t so busy studying, I would definitely date her.” I smirked as I eyed her up and down. 

Jungkook: Grabbing my notebook I threw it at him. My rage was wild, I felt betrayed, and how could he do this to me? Before Namjoon could react I left. 

///

Time: 5:32 PM

Jimin: Standing in the library, I hauled myself in the usual corner with one hand holding a book and the other keeping my collar intact and trying my hardest to hide the hickeys. I had told Yongguk, very sternly that I wanted no markings on me this time, but he had only hit me across the head and did as he pleased with me, like always. Why did I have to have those pleasurable sensations? He treated me so badly but I only wanted more, I wanted to continue to feel his skin against mines, feel his excruciating length rip me apart until I was yelling his name. Thinking about it made me start crying, I put the open book over my face, my tears marking the pages and smudging the words.

Jaehyo: Jimin was at the usual place we met. He didn’t see me as I watched him from the end of the bookshelf. I saw everything, my eyes were keen and I always paid high attention to the person I cherished. For example, I saw his face thinning to the point he was losing his cheeks, I saw him not caring about the wrinkles of his shirts like he use to, I saw the love marks engraved into his skin and I saw the sadness that shackled him down when he was with me. Something I hated being observant to. Putting together strength and courage, I walked over to him. My hand rested on his quivering shoulder.

Jimin: Jaehyo’s hand, I knew it was him, I didn’t need to look, nor did I want to. I just stood there crying my eyes out and tried my best to keep my sobs at a minimum in volume. Jaehyo didn’t go away; he stood beside me and does the only thing he could do, give me comfort by his presence. Gradually, I lowered the book and the hand that held my shirt’s collar intact. He deserved to know, but as soon as I looked at him, I knew that he had already known I had been with someone else while I was in a relationship with him. I could tell by his sad smile and the way his eyes lingered over me. “I’m sorry.” I said with my raspy voice. 

Jaehyo: My heart pained for Jimin. Looking around and making sure no one saw, I pulled the boy into a hug. My hands ran over his back. This isn’t the life this boy should be having; he shouldn’t be sneaking around in this library pretending to look for books when in reality he was searching for me, waiting for me, and to hope that he would be lucky enough to get a soft touch to the cheek or a quick peck of the lips. It was ignominy of a boyfriend who should be covering their lover with sweet kisses whenever they wish for it. Pulling away, I looked into his tear stained eyes. “No, I’m sorry Jimin.” My hands ran over the hickeys that didn’t come from me but from someone else, to be honest, I was envious. “You deserve better than me…” I whispered. My hands pulled away from him as soon as I heard the slightest of noises. Taking a step backward I put my hands behind me, they nervously tangled and untangled as I tried to decide how I could say my next words. “Jimin, lets break up now. We can’t keep doing this.” The boy looked as if he saw it coming, but I could still see it broke him, nothing could prepare him for this no matter how long he tried to brace himself for this inevitable moment, I should know, I’ve been through this part of my life many times and it never gets easier. “Go back to your dorm. Get some rest. I’m sure you’re tired now.” With a forceful smile, I walked away from him.

Jimin: “No, you deserve better than me.” Even though Jaehyo left and didn’t hear these words, I still needed to say them. My heart was splitting and my hands were clutching at the book, my fingers only loosened on the book when they began to ache. The tears were unavoidable, especially from a cry baby like me, always crying. Even Yongguk would jab at the fact that I cried so much and told me it was annoying and even hit me for it. It was something that needed to be changed, I’m just glad that Jaehyo wouldn’t have to go through it anymore; I hated the thought of being a nuisance to him. This is for the best. I sniffled and wiped my tears but they would only come back a moment later. Now I know how I will be spending my night. Alone and miserable.

///

Time: 6:59 PM

Suga: I awoke to a soft sensation. I felt kisses. The kisses being pressed along my jaw felt different, but yet, recognizable. Traveling up my jaw, over my cheek and lightly pressing over my lips with care, I opened my eyes. Despite the difference of the lips, I still thought it would be Jin, he was the one who usually woke me up like that but that was only in our room in private, he wouldn’t dare do that outside of our dorm. I should have known that there was another person that would have done this, I can tell by the way he looked at me, by the way he tried to make me envious every chance he had. Yongguk pulled away, his eye smile fucking with my emotions. He was kneeling in front of me with his stupid, beautiful, face… Sitting up I smash the surface of my hand on his face, by his reaction, I could tell he didn’t expect me to hit him so suddenly. “Don’t put your fucking disgusting lips on me.” I said wiping my lips with the back of my hand. This guy, everything was like whiplash with him, one moment he’s sleeping with someone and the next he comes to me showing the smallest efforts of actually caring about me. When I was going to pull my hand back, Yongguk grabbed onto my wrist tightly. Pulling but failing to escape his tight hold I heaved a heavy groan of annoyance. 

Yongguk: When I saw Yoongi sleeping on the couch in the lounge room I couldn’t help it but go over to him and kiss him. “Don’t hit me Yoongi, you kissed me back, you have no right to hit me.” Yanking Yoongi closer to me before he could react, our lips collided against each other’s again. Rough and not really what I wanted, I wanted something gentle, soft and caring. But I knew Yoongi, if I wasn’t harsh and forceful then he would wiggle his way out of it and I didn’t want that, if it had to be like this for me to have this contact then so be it. Struggling and failing, Yoongi gave in and let me kiss him, my tongue slipped in his mouth and he began to struggle again, his hands pushing at my chest desperately. Pulling away to get a breather, Yoongi looked at me bitterly as he scrubbed at his mouth.

Suga: “I fucking hate you.” My resentment towards Yongguk began to grow everyday but it could never smother out the fact that I still liked him, that I still enjoy his touch and his roughness. I shoved him on the chest, repeatedly. He didn’t pull away, he didn’t stop me and he didn’t attack me back. He just sat there and took it. That’s a first, despite him not letting his rage take over him like usual, I still believed that he deserved my hits and that he would never change. “This is not the way Yongguk. You can’t just fucking kiss me!” Yelling that had gotten us attention, everyone in the lounge was staring at us and muttering ‘What’s going on?” or “Oh, it’s Yongguk, what did he do now?”. Yongguk noticed the statements that had his name tangled in them, I could see him tense up by them. I sighed and looked around. “What the fuck are you looking at?!?” Everyone looked away. 

Yongguk: “Yoongi, I miss you.”

Suga: “And?” I looked at him.

Yongguk: “I want you.”

Suga: “I don’t want you.”

Yongguk: “But I do.” 

Suga: “Go fuck yourself.” 

Yongguk: “I love you.” 

Suga: I didn’t expect that, he caught me off guard and my mouth couldn’t sputter any words.

Yongguk: “Got you.” He leaned back, smile of victory playing over his lips. “Too bad it’s not true.” 

Suga: Heart deflating and jaw clenching, I stood up. “Bye, Yongguk.” 

Yongguk: My chest squeezed, its tightness making it hard to breathe as I watched Yoongi go. 

///

Suga: “Watch out for the hopeless mess coming your way.” I mewled as I stepped into my dorm room, feet dragging over the carpet and endorsing the warmth of the fuzz. My speculations were right, Jin was here. He was sinking into the comfort of his bed, face down and body stripped of any clothing except his boxers. His chest rose and deflated as he let out soft breaths and a glimmer of light casted over his skin and made it shine. I closed the door behind me and locked it. The sleeping Jin still held my attention; he was stimulating something from me. Was it lust? Does it matter? My mind was far away from Yongguk, he couldn’t lay a finger in my thoughts as I saw Jin like this. I moved towards his bed, my fingers running along the edge as I sat down. Slowly, I made my move; I got on my hands and knees and crawled over to him until I was poised over him. Laying down on him, I slipped my hand underneath him, my hand found the opening of his boxers and Jin slightly squirmed. Exhaustingly he called my name. 

Jin: “Yoongi, not now. I’m tired.” I said as I felt his hand make contact with my cock. He didn’t stop there, his lips were trailing over the back of my neck, his lips soft and alluring, it made my body shiver underneath him. I felt as if I was melting deeper into the depths of my bed as Yoongi touched me. His hand knew how to excite me as it gave my length a gentle squeeze, moving his hand up and down my cock he began playing with the tip. My hands reached out for the top of the bed’s edge and I bit down onto the pillow to stop the moans from escaping but they still found a way out.

Suga: My grip on Jin’s hard cock tightened and his moans grew louder. I could feel the juice over spilling from his tip already. His tip was smooth and it was easy to run my fingers over it, I began to poke and prod at it and everything began to feel hot as my body began to heat up by my lust. I grinded on Jin and his cock reacted to it. Jin’s moans were enticing yet aggravating, I wanted him inside me already but I needed to wait. “Jin, turn around.” He did what I told him to do, his eyes were closed and his hands were clenching onto the bed sheets as he bit his lower lip in anticipation. I lowered myself, slipping my tongue out; I ran it over his tip before taking it in my mouth and sucking on it. Another shiver came from him and my name was escaping through the crack of his lips. One of his hands found its way on my head, he didn’t push my head down like Yongguk would do, instead he stroked my hair and I knew he was waiting patiently for me to take his entire length into my mouth, which I did.

Jin: “Yoongi, you don’t have to do that.” I opened my eyes, seeing him put my cock in his mouth made me blush a ferocious red. The lewd noise didn’t help me tame my blush. Instead, I could feel my cheeks sizzle even more from the heat. He pulled his mouth away from my cock with a pop and he looked up at me with tired eyes. 

Suga: “Let’s make us official. I have no feelings for Yongguk anymore. Believe me; you don’t need to be scared anymore.” I wanted to be able to kiss Jin out in public; I wanted him to not avoid me because of the urge of wanting to kiss me every time he saw me in the halls or in class. I really didn’t understand why he was so against us dating publicly. 

To Be Continued


	4. Bad Cooking Partner/ Notebook/ A Different Side/ Not Again/ Don't Get Sentimental

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have a lot more chapters up and I can send anyone if they really want to continue reading this and not want to wait the rest. But other than that after this chapter I might not update it until a couple of days or something.  
Please read at your own risk as well. This story is no rainbows or flowers so be cautious it has a lot of triggering stuff and the characters aren't perfect. They mess up a lot and do messed up stuff but they are still human and have a ton of stuff they need to work on about themselves.

Thursday, 10:11 AM

Suga: “Okay, go grab a partner!” The teacher bellowed and waved us off lazily. You could say cooking class was my least favorite class, but with Jin I would usually get through it and he would instruct me on what to do and how to do it. Looking over to Jin, I saw that I was already too late and that he had different plans when it came to deciding on a partner. Class began to feel unsettling as I had the sense that Jin was avoiding me. Looking around and seeing everyone partnered up, I casted out a groan. Yongguk was the only one left. Nonchalantly leaning on his chair with a knowing, teasing smile, he waited for me to approach him. Fuck, I hate this fucking class. 

Yongguk: “Jin got tired of you or something?” Folding my legs I continued to give him my tantalizing smile as he walked over to me.

Suga: “No. He’s just-“

Yongguk: “Tired of fucking you? I know how that feels. Probably wants to get in that girl’s pants right now.” Pointing towards Jin and the girl who gracefully ran her hand on Jin’s arm. Yoongi looked sad when he looked their way. Would he ever look at me like that? Would he ever want to be with me again? When he looked back at me it was filled with the regular annoyance.

Suga: “….” Don’t let him get to you; don’t let him get to you. “Let’s just get this over with.” I seethed as I walk up to the table and began to gather the supplies. Reaching out for the remaining supplies, I felt Yongguk come up behind me. He pressed against me and reached over my shoulder and took the supplies before I could. His lips hovered over my ear and I swallowed as I began to come to the conclusion that he was trying to seduce me. “As tempting and seducing as this moment is, I would never fucking be with you again. Jin will get over his fear of being with me and then you’ll just have to watch as I leave you in the dust, lonely and pathetic.” Looking back at him I felt content from his expression. His face was the definition of irritation. I was wrong to think that Yongguk would stop with his coaxing and grinding from the harsh words I said but he continued to try to vex me and it was working. His hands went down on me, slithering under my shirt and over my v line. That’s enough. I slipped away, my hand curling into a fist and slamming against his face. People really didn’t know how to mind their own business. They gathered around, waiting for a fight to happen, and I did too, Yongguk wouldn’t usually let a hit slide, but this time, it was different. He just stood there, looking at me with soft eyes that I didn’t want to engage with. Instead, my eyes wandered away from Yongguk and towards the crowd and stopped on Jin who was looking at me but then looked away as soon as my eyes stopped on him.

Teacher: “Yoongi and Yongguk, please go to the office. I’m not having this right now!” 

***

Suga: When we left the cluster of voices behind and exited the room, I grabbed Yongguk, pushing him on the wall and clenching my jaw, I released a deep breath. The halls were quiet and we had a chance to talk without anyone eyeballing us. After a moment of retaining myself I began to talk, my voice and volume loud and clear. “Stop messing with me.” I wanted to get it through his head but I was afraid that it was too thick to get through. “I’m ready to move on from you. I don’t like the kind of person you are, I need someone who isn’t trying to destroy everything they touch, Yongguk.” 

Yongguk: “I don’t need to try to destroy something.” Hand raising and connecting with his cheek I continued. “It just happens.”

Suga: Despite acting oblivious around Yongguk, I knew him. He was clear like glass, people would be confused by him and would think he is hard to figure out but it wasn’t like that with me. He was damaged by the real world like I was, he had to remold himself until he could hold a grip on reality and understand how things worked, that’s what I did. It’s the reason I went back home in the holidays and in summer vacation, to get away from this place that catered me and showed me a fantasy, a dream world. “Yongguk, no. You can prevent it. Despite what you think, I’m still your friend. I’ve always been your friend. I’m just angry at you right now. I gave you so much of me but I get nothing in return from you. Now I’m ready to give my all to someone else, please support me and let me go.” 

Yongguk: Was I capable of that? I looked away from him. “Do what you want Yoongi.” Turning away from him I began to walk away with my hands stuffed in my pockets. 

Suga: “Yongguk, don’t act like you don’t care!” 

Yongguk: I blocked out his words, his burning eyes, his lips, and his touch. Why didn’t he crave me like every other person or like I did with him? I was long gone from Suga’s suffocating words. Turning the corner of one of the halls I saw the chairman. His built was big, mostly made of muscle and it made me wonder why he didn’t become a wrestler or something. Seeing me, he called me out, patting my back as a greeting and I controlled myself from rolling my eyes.

Chairman: “Are you excited?”

Yongguk: “For what?” I asked coldly.

Chairman: “For your father, silly. He starts working here next Thursday.” 

Yongguk: “…”

Chairman: “Are you well Yongguk? You look pale all of a sudden.” 

///

Thursday, 10:11 AM

Taehyung: Glances kept being thrown at Jungkook as he continuing ignored me and pretended to do his work. Looking back at the teacher to make sure he didn’t see me, I reached out for Jungkook’s pencil and yanked it out of his hand. “You’re not even doing your work so will you talk to me now? I said I’m sorry for not answering your calls. I was busy doing something.” I whispered to him. He gave me a glare before he looked back down at his empty paper and continued to give me the silent treatment. I released a groan and leaned back on my seat. 

Jungkook: “I fucked up.” Finally giving in to Taehyung I began to tell him what happened. He took in my words carefully and even strained to hear my low whispers. Once I was done telling him the event, he placed a hand over his mouth and tried to stop the laughs from coming. Unable to stop them, they erupted in the classroom and people looked his way. Even the teacher looked at him and called his name warningly. 

Taehyung: “Yes! Yes! I’ll keep it down.” I said towards the teacher and put my attention back on Jungkook. “You honestly think he knew how you felt just because you gave him a compliment, which, honestly, didn’t sound like a compliment?” I was baffled. 

Jungkook: “What do you mean it didn’t sound like a compliment?” Arms folding over each other and giving him a stern look, Taehyung went on.

Taehyung: “Look, Jungkook, I’m just telling you this now. You need to work on it.” Exasperated by Jungkook’s stupidity, I leaned back and remembered the main reason why I really wanted to speak to Jungkook. “Did you get the package?” 

Jungkook: Groaning, I nodded. “Before I even give it to you… I kinda need your help… I left a part out… You know that book that contained my plan?” 

Taehyung: “The one to win Namjoon’s heart? The plan that will never work?” Shifting on my seat to get comfortable and releasing a groan, I knew I wasn’t going to like this. “What happened? Huh? What did you do?” 

Jungkook: “I didn’t do anything!” Clasping my hands on my mouth, I looked at the teacher eerily as he glared at Taehyung and me. With a weak smile and when the teacher looked away to focus on grading papers again, my attention went on Taehyung and in a lower voice I said, “I threw the book at Namjoon so now he has it. I need help getting it back.” I said confessing it straight out. “But I don’t want to be seen by him and going to his room is risky because you know who he’s roommates with. That guy gives me the chills. Something is not right about him.” Taehyung’s expression was a mix of rage, distress and fear.

Taehyung: “You want me to go in the room and get it, don’t you? You’re crazy. You’re crazy. You’re crazy. Just ask Namjoon for it back. I’m pretty sure he’ll give it back.” My palms were sweating and I heaved deep breaths one after the other as I tried to calm myself. Jungkook was going to make me do it, he was going to make me do it and I couldn’t refuse because he had my package. Oh, jeez, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

Jungkook: “Didn’t you just hear me? I can’t face him. I blew up on him and he hates me now.” 

Taehyung: “That’s not anything new! He always hated you because your mouth doesn’t know how to shut up!” I shouldn’t have screamed at Jungkook but the fact of thinking about sneaking into Namjoon’s and Yongguk’s room made me sweat and panic like a pig about to get slaughtered. Jungkook stared at me wide eyed, it was evident that I had hurt his feelings and now he was scrambling around, picking up his things and left the classroom. I was left here alone to receive the teacher’s lecture about staying quiet while we were supposed to do work.

///

Thursday, Time: 2:57 PM

Taehyung: The pressure of the heat was still hanging loosely in the dorms despite the AC on. Someone must have made another complaint of the Ac being too high. It was the only reason that could explain the warmth around here, and the reason I was sweating so much under these layers of clothing that were already thin, or maybe I was sweating because of what I was about to do. Jungkook, my only friend, I had hurt him by what I said. I could see it in his eyes when he left and I could see it by his actions when I tried to reconcile with him after class but he only gave me the cold shoulder. Cracking under the pressure of his silent treatment, I told him I would get him his notebook and his mood transferred into one of joy making me think the cold shoulder was all part of his plan to make me do the dirty work he couldn’t do himself. From the news that brought him into a jubilant state, he scrambled through his book back and pulled out a key and gave it to me. With a pat on the shoulder he wished me good luck and walked away. So here I was, going up the flight of stairs and walking to Namjoon’s and Yongguk’s room. Hands shaking and inserting the key, I opened the door. Clothes were making a trail on the floor. Looking at the beds, I tried to guess which bed belonged to who. By the scattered books that were resting on one side I could tell it was Namjoon’s side of the dorm room, and it was cleaner than the one on the right. Entering and closing the door behind me, I began to dig. Panic arose the longer I stayed there. Anytime now, someone would come in and they would find me. I went through all of Namjoon’s things, his texts books, his closet, his desk but didn’t find anything that would symbolize Jungkook’s dumb plan book. 

Hearing a creek outside the door, I reacted quickly, my heart swelled and I was slipping through the tight gap underneath Namjoon’s bed. The door flew open, quick steps pacing the room and I recognized Yongguk’s boots. Great, just great, why did it have to be Yongguk? If he caught me here then it would be the end of my life. I began to hear his rugged voice, he didn’t sound happy. “Mom, please tell me what I just heard isn’t real. He can’t come here.” His voice shook, I never heard his voice crack like that, and when he spoke it was always packed with certainty. Was I surveying a new side of Yongguk? A more gentler and vulnerable state? “Mom, it’s not about embarrassment… I just, I don’t want him here. Please…” Begging, wow, maybe I should sneak in more often. “Okay, okay. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.” The ‘bye’ was full of anger and bitterness. I heard the creek of him sitting on the bed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Peeking from where I was, I saw him run his hands over his face. He was in shambles, trying to get a grip of reality but couldn’t seem to grasp it. Honestly, being under this bed, I was fucking terrified. Yongguk was having a moment, a moment I was sure he didn’t want anyone to see and if he knew I was here witnessing this, he would grow even more outraged then he was already. He stood up when he noticed the door was still open, proceeding towards the door he closed it and locked it. My cheeks began to heat up as I saw Yongguk remove his shirt and threw it on the floor, then it was his pants and he was standing in front of the mirror, his hands going over his bruises. Glassy eyes went over the mirror and that’s when he saw me through the reflection of the mirror. In seconds I was being dragged from under the bed, my hands clawed and tried to grip at the beds legs but they barely made contact with it and I was being pulled up to my feet and slammed against the wall. His hands encircled my neck, gripping so tightly that I clawed at his arms desperately so he could let me go. 

“What. The. Fuck.” His hands slightly loosened around my neck and I managed to take a breath. “What the fuck are you doing here? Fucking pervert.” 

“N-No, I just came to get something.” I stammered, immediately and began to blabber nonsense. When he let me go I thought I would be able to take my leave but that wasn’t the case. Yongguk actually did the opposite and it was like he was a totally different person as he began to hunch over and rests his head over the crook of my shoulder. His hands gripped onto my hips and I swallowed nervous as my heartbeat began to thrum faster than it usually did.

“Don’t say anything… Just… Just let me stay like this for a while.” He mumbled. “Don’t tell anyone or I’ll fucking kill you.” It was funny how gentle he said it yet it held an enormous amount of aggression. 

///

Thursday, Time: 4:39 PM

Jhope: Finishing up the remaining pictures, I stored them back into Taehyung’s sketchbook. “There.” I said running my hands over the cover and lightly pressed it down. “All done. I’m sure Taehyung would be happy about this.” Getting up from the floor with the book in my hands I went over to his side of the room and put the book on his bed. Where is he anyways? He said he was going to come right after classes to finish up the remaining taping but he hadn’t shown up at all. Looking around, my eyes stopped on a box that was abandoned next to his bed. Walking over to it, I curiously opened it up. All his sex toys were there; all sticking out, it revolted me but I didn’t put the lid back on. Curiously, I grabbed one, my thumb accidently pressed on a button and it began to move, surprised by the sudden movement I dropped it to the floor.

Taehyung: “That was fucking bizarre.” I mumbled as I opened the door, the mission was a failure and I retreated to my room with no book in my hands. With a sigh, I took a step but didn’t take another one as I looked at Hoseok, he was crouched down and picking up one of my toys. “Hoseok? What are you doing?” 

Jhope: With Taehyung’s recognizable voice, I tensed up and slowly looked his way. Standing up, I felt flustered and slowly put my hands behind me, my fingers nervously twisting the toy in my hands as I tried to make up an excuse in my head. “Um, it fell and I was picking it up…” 

Taehyung: “Oh… You might not want to touch it… I kinda… Didn’t wash it.” My fingers nervously found the hem of my shirt and let out a skittish laugh. 

Hoseok: I let it go and it fell to the ground with a thud. “O-oh.” Wiping my hands on my jeans I failed to hide my disgusted facial expression. 

Taehyung: Looking over to my bed, I saw my sketchbook there. “Oh, did you finish it for me?” Going over to my bed I picked it up and looked through the pages. “Thanks!” When I looked back to Hoseok, he was still wiping his hands on his pants. Releasing a chuckle I went over to him and picked up the toy and put it back in the box. “Why don’t you go ahead and clean up? I think I need a little time alone with my friends here.” I was now rummaging through my stuff and picked one out that vibrated. Seeing Yongguk half naked had gotten to me, I could feel my bulge rise from the thought of it.

Hoseok: “W-What? Y-You need to stop doing this, especially when I’m here.” Taehyung was stripping already, my words didn’t penetrate him and to add on to it, the door was still open. He had no shame. “What are you doing?!?” I was at the door already and closing it so no one would see Taehyung with the toy in his hands and his body now completely free of any clothing. My forehead was placed on the door and I refused to look his way as I heard the vibrations begin. “T-Taehyung. Please don’t do this right now. I’m begging you.” But the moans began to noisily arise. “EISH!” Opening the door a crack I squeezed through the opening and slammed it closed as I angrily went over to the bathroom to wash the scum off my hands. I need a new roommate. 

///

Friday, Time: 4:36 AM

Yongguk: Whispers woke me up, they came out with no pause and it was the third time he was reciting them. Namjoon’s figure blurred and hazed, blinking a few times he came into focus and he was stressing over his work once again. Sitting up, I scowled. “Your head is going to explode.” I said tiredly and looked over to the clock that said 4:36 AM in bright red. “Jesus.” I muttered under my breath and walked up to him. Looking over the equation he was racking his brain for, I smirked and said the answer. “Piece of cake Namjoon.” 

Namjoon: Always fucking doing this. “I knew that.” I spat and wrote down the answer. Yongguk’s hand grabbed onto the back of my neck and he slammed my face on my desk, textbook pages and scrap papers crumpling under my face. “Fuck.” I groaned and tried to pry Yongguk off of me. 

Yongguk: “Yah! This is the fucking third time you woke me up and when I help you with this easy shit you fucking talk to me like that? You got some fucking nerves Namjoon!” My hand squeezed tighter on his neck and he groaned, letting go but to only grab a handful of his hair and yanked his head back, I smirked. “Now, are you going to let me fucking sleep? I need a shitload of sleep before Thursday.” 

Namjoon: Talking about all the rest he needed made his face expression darken and I tried to pull away from his hold on me but it only caused Yongguk to grip tighter. “Fuck, fine. Just let me go already.” I said, I was as irritated as Yongguk. Releasing my hair, he walked back to his bed and lay down. I rubbed my scalp. I was grumbling as I stood up and walk over to my own bed. “How do you do it? You don’t study as hard as me but somehow you still know more than me?” Seeing Yongguk be at ease and not having to worry about his grades made me go into a raging frenzy. 

Yongguk: Here he goes again. “Namjoon, I still study a lot.” Pushing a book off from the corner of my bed with my foot I released an awkward smile to ease the tense atmosphere. “But I also relax. That’s what you need. You need to relax and things will come to you easier. Trust me.” Pulling the blanket over me I closed my eyes.

Namjoon: “Let’s fuck.” 

Yongguk: Eyes opening, I looked over to him. No words were uttered from my mind as I stared at him. 

Namjoon: “Not going to say anything?” 

Yongguk: Snorting, I rolled to my side with my back facing him. “Stop talking. Go to sleep.” 

Namjoon: “I can’t, all my head can do is tell me to study. I can’t think of anything else. So I want you to fuck me so I won’t have to think about studying.” 

Yongguk: He was so straight forward that it made me think he was trying to pull a trick on me. “No. I’m not in the mood. I’m not some goddamn sex machine.” I sneered.

Namjoon: With a scoff and the roll of my eyes I retorted. “Not from what I’ve seen. You’ll fuck anyone, but for some reason you never even tried to fuck me. Why is that?”

Yongguk: “Because I don’t want to. Now shut the fuck up and go to bed already.” 

Namjoon: “Why do you do this to me? Last time I awoke with a blanket over me.” My hand clutched at my chest. “I see the small stuff you do for me Yongguk. Sometimes I wake up and my work is done, my stuff is tidy, my things are ready and good to go for classes. Then I see notes that are a great help and make things so much easier for me and I know I didn’t write them up while I’m asleep. So why? I don’t like you teasing me.”

Yongguk: “….I didn’t do any of that stuff. Now go to sleep, I’m fucking tired and classes start soon.” The lie left with ease. I did care about Namjoon a great deal and I didn’t know if it was because he was my only friend or because, maybe, just maybe, I did have some feelings for him but I couldn’t tell because my feelings for Yoongi are too strong that they lull the emotions towards Namjoon. 

Namjoon: Fuck. Fucking douche. Making me feel like a fucking idiot. 

Yongguk: Hesitant, I spoke again. “Don’t get sentimental for small things Namjoon. Start dating. I think you need it.” I advised him and closed my eyes before plunging into a deep sleep.

Namjoon: Sucking my teeth, I stood up and went to my desk. Piling up my school work and stuffing it into my bag I left the room and went to study somewhere else.

To Be Continued


	5. No More Tears/ Tired/ Deal

**Friday, 7:20 AM **

**Yongguk:** Cold stone bricks closed in the horror that happened in the house. Blind eyes overlooked the hurt, the pain, the perpetual sadness that picked at our once glowing hearts. My heart that was once glowing with innocence and childish beliefs was torn down decades ago in just one starless night. My mother was gone, working through the night and my father was watching over my sister and I this time. Toy truck in my hand, I sat in the living room with the TV on, my focus was both on the toy and the show that was displayed on the screen, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t vigilant to the rest of the surroundings around me. I was fully aware of everything, I was aware of my sister getting something to drink, I was aware of my father enticing her to some delicious treats in his room. All I remember thinking was why I wasn’t included; I enjoyed snacks more than my sister. Putting down the toy, I went over to his room, the door opened a crack and I peeked in to see what kind of snacks were there, but while I watched I didn’t see any snacks, just my father having my sister on his lap and they both smiled, doll in my sisters hand she giggled, the joy was there and then it was gone in an instant when my father grabbed onto her foot and twisted, a snap was followed by the twist and then a scream. Being a child I didn’t fully understand what was happening but I was well alert of the danger and being aware of it, all I could think about was going to the safety of my room. Hiding in the depths of my closet I kept hearing the screams, it was louder than the pounding of my heartbeat. I remember the feel of the terror I obtained that day and from that day forward it always lingered by my side, its tangle tight and unshakable. 

“Why are you crying? You don’t deserve to cry. What you go through is nothing compared to what I go through.” My sister spoken the words one day, she had a rooted hatred for me and every chance she could she would throw these lethal words at me. The words never left me, just like the terror. It was still so vivid, my heart would still race and my skin would produce heavy amounts of sweat. That day forward, I stopped the tears, my sister never saw them again, in fact, even If I was able to produce more tears, she wouldn’t be able to see them since she was pushed to her breaking point. The results of my father’s torturous ways lead my sister to think suicide was the only way out, although she failed to kill herself, in a way she still had gotten what she wanted. At this moment she was in the hospital, in a coma. Her body was free of the bruises now, free of the fear, free of the pain. It’s been five years now and she still slept in that hospital bed, five long years and I still held onto the hope that she would wake up, but who would want to wake up to a heartless world like this? No one knew about this, Yoongi, Namjoon, their words wouldn’t help; there was nothing they could say to lessen my pain so I never bothered to tell them. This knowledge was a burden I had to carry myself.

“I wish I was in the luxury where my only problem was to worry about studying.” Crouching down next to the sofa with my arms overlapping over my knees I continued to watch Namjoon. My hands dangled between my legs, in replace for my itching hands that wanted to run through the silver hair that was straying into a dull blue, I instead grabbed onto the textbook that laid opened on his chest. Plump lips went into a straight line and then his tongue ran over them. Releasing a chuckle, I closed the textbook before I softly shook at Namjoon. It should be a crime to wake this boy up, especially from the lack of sleep he gets, but I knew if I didn’t wake him then he would throw a hiss fit at me later on. Eyes opening, he stared at the ceiling. Blinking and then lazily bringing his hands up to his face and rubbing the exhaustion away from his eyes, he sat up. 

“You’re doing it again. You’re doing these small things that make me feel weird.” Namjoon’s voice was gruff, like mines. I wonder who had the deeper voice. 

“So you don’t want me to wake you up? Would you prefer me leaving you to sleep and missing class?” 

**Namjoon:** He played innocence with his smile. With the flutter of emotions starting to quiver, I tried to smother them down. “No.” I admitted, tongue running over the smoothness of my teeth, I added, “Thanks.” Soaking in Yongguk’s appearance, I noticed a glimmer that settled on his chest. Reflectively my hand reached out for it, the thin metal of the dog tag was cold between my fingers. “Tiffany.” Reading the name engraved on the dog tag I released a scoff. “I never saw this before, is it from one of your many girlfriends?” No, it couldn’t be. It was growing rusty; he had it for a while now. 

**Yongguk:** How careless of me, usually the dog tag would be tucked under my shirt, away from prying eyes but this time I was negligent. I pulled at the chain that it dangled from and the dog tag slipped away from Namjoon’s hold with ease. Falling in place over my chest, I continued to give Namjoon the smile he seemed to grow bashful from. “And if it was?” From the way he looked at me, I had the sense he knew it was deeper than one of my quick fucks. To dodge his impending questions, I stood up. “Look at the time. First period is about to start.” 

**Namjoon:** Deflecting my incoming questions before they even slipped out of my mouth confirmed that it was a topic that was not meant to be explored. I didn’t push my luck and let the topic slide, besides, I had classes to attend. 

**///**

**Friday, 7:30 AM**

**Suga:** The foreign silence was my new roommate; it filled the empty space of Jin, who hadn’t been showing up, unless he had been sneaking in during the midst of my sleep and then out before I woke up from my slumber. Leaving my room and out of the dormitory building, I stopped when I saw Jin. His eye smile displayed as he talked to a girl. My fingers curled and uncurled, I was trying my hardest to keep my rage in check, but, honestly, this was ridiculous. Making my way towards him, I began to notice that he began to stray farther away from my grasp. Seokjin was actually walking away, he probably felt my presence or my burning eyes or he just saw me from the corner of his vision, but he knew I was going his way and his reaction was to walk away. I continued to follow him and he continued to pick up his pace. 

Looking around, I saw no audience to please, so my walking began to grow in bigger strides and finally, I broke out into a run and tackled Jin. We rolled, Jin tried to struggle away from me but my hands refused to let him go, I even threw a couple of hits to his face during the struggle. When we stopped floundering on the dirt ridden grass, Jin was sitting on top of me, his hand was raised and ready to strike me across the face until I flinched and automatically raised my hands to shield the hit that never came.

“Yoongi… I-I’m so sorry… I was never going to hit you, please believe me.” Peering over my arm, I saw his face twisted with shock, Jin was startled by his own actions and slowly, his hand retracted.

“Just get off me.” My voice meek, Jin and I noticed my arms tremble. 

Registering my fear, I took deep breaths. The jitters loosened but my fingers still shook. When he didn’t get off me and just looked at me with eyes widening from the realization of the extensive mistake he executed I began to panic. Hands pushing against his heaving chest that was still recovering from the sucking exhaustion of the fight—if you even call it that—he grabbed onto my hands and pinned them down on the prickling grass. 

“Yoongi, you need to know I wasn’t going to hit you.” Desperate eyes looked for understanding in my face but he wasn’t going to find any. “Jesus, Yoongi, you’re the one who hit me first, you should have known I was going to react like this.” 

“Jin, let me go.” My voice demanding, he still didn’t budge. 

“I wasn’t going to hit you.” His voice softened along with his eyes. His hips motioned forward in an excruciatingly slow pace and he was running himself over my length. Gasping from the unexpected motion, he continued to move his hips back and forth. His grinding was making my cock rise and harden. “I fucking hate you.” I moaned and looked around to confirm that no one was watching. Jin and I were shielded away from public eyes as shrubs and bushes obscured us. 

“I fucking hate you.” I whispered again and he continued to tease me and I was growing frustrated. “Why are you doing this to me?” My voice quivered and it was hard to speak as the moans were the only thing that wanted to be recited. 

“Yoongi, I love you. You know I would never want to hurt you, right?” He leaned in, his hands digging in the dirt to support him up. He continued to grind and I could feel that he was as hard as me, but right now, in his eyes, he wasn’t looking for pleasure despite his grazing against me, it was just a way so I wouldn’t leave, a way to keep me here with him. 

“But you hurt me Jin. So much.” The words were accompanied by the muffled groans of frustration. “You were so cruel, ignoring me and then talking to that girl, and now this. Just do what you want and then continue to ignore me. I don’t care anymore.” My hands that were over my head were now on my face, wiping away the exhaustion that loitered in my eyes. I was always so fucking exhausted.

**Jin:** Grinding on him kept him in place. He wasn’t going to leave, not without me relieving him from the sexual frustration. But, before I did that, I needed to make sure that he knew these hands would never strike him. Hair mussed in different directions and fatigue being wiped away from scraped hands, I mourned for him. I knew his fear of being hit very well, yet, I dare raise my hand towards him. Grabbing those small, pale, scarred hands that was now decorated with new cuts, I kissed them. “Yoongi, I’m so sorry.” Both our erections swelled, they desperately wanted to get out of the pressing hold our pants had been creating. I was done grinding on him, my apologies still leaking as I lowered myself. “Yoongi, you’ve known me for years now, please tell me you know I wouldn’t hurt you. Especially what I seen happened to you when we were kids…”

**Suga:** Jin’s hands slipped away from mines, the warmth suddenly gone and an icy chill going over them despite the warm weather that hung in the air. When Jin was lowering himself he didn’t look away from me, it was full eye contact. Puckering my lips, I finally gave in as he only stared at me with his fingers ready to unbutton my pants. “I know Jin, I know. You wouldn’t hit me.” Averting my eyes, I could feel his hands finally unclasp the button to my pants. My hands ran over layers and layers of grass, trying to mentally prepare myself before I felt Jin’s hands stroke my cock.

**Jin:** Button undone and zipper pulled down, I impatiently pulled his cock out. Marveling at his dick, I focused on the tip, plump and pink. It was throbbing in my grasp and Yoongi squirmed. Hot heavy gasps were escaping him. My own dick palpitated within my pants, it was painful, but I had to relieve the shuddering Yoongi first. Getting closer and closer to his cock I stuck out my tongue. Flicking it over his tip, he moaned. Chuckling, I looked up to him. “Yoongi, ssssh. Someone’s going to hear.” Glaring at me, I let out another laugh and another flick of the tongue over the head of his dick. Continuing with the licks, my free hand squirmed underneath him, then underneath his pants and boxers. Running over his ass and then lower, inserting my fingers inside him, his walls tightened around them. “Yoongi, it’s going to be rough without lube.” His reply was incomprehensible due to the moans. My fingers went in and out of the restless Yoongi.

“A-ah, Jin, Jin, fuck me. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.” Yoongi pleaded the desperation in his voice tempting me to get it over with and just put myself in him but I decided against it.

“Not yet Yoongi.” Adding another finger, Yoongi clawed at the dirt. Blush coloring his pale cheeks, I smiled, it was different compared to his sickly pale skin that was tinted with black and blue bruises. My fingers quickened its pace and I added a finger each time I picked up the momentum. Yoongi’s moans were like a joyous song to my ears. Pumping his hot cock that was ejecting pre-cum, I took it into my mouth. Tongue circling around it and tasting the saltiness of the pre-cum, I swallowed. While sucking on him, my fingers that were inside him were now pulled out and kneading Yoongi’s balls. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Jin, ha, fuck.” Yoongi desired more, but I continuingly refuse to give him more, I needed to please every part of him and that’s what I did. After the sucking and the licking, I moved on to his upper body, raising his shirt and moving to his nipples I engulfed them in my mouth, nibbling and licking again. It was the same routine on the rest of his body; the only difference was that I began to play with myself. At one point I had pressed my own cock against the warmth of his long length and grabbed them both, pumping until I couldn’t take it anymore. Pulling down his pants and boxers I put myself in him, thrusting slowly until Yoongi demanded more in a raspy voice that made my heart thrum rapidly and my yearning for him rise tremendously.

“Yoongi.” My breath left in tremors and I buried my face on the crook of his shoulder. “I love you, I love you so much,” I said through the heat of the moment. “I’m so sorry for the way I was treating you.” More words escaped, words that I don’t remember saying because the blood rushing through my head was too loud and I was too intoxicated by Yoongi as his tight walls closed in on my cock. Despite how tight he was, I quickened. Yoongi was eagerly taking me in and our moans reverberated together with harmony. The realization that Yoongi was holding onto me finally came to light. His hands were tucked under the back of my shirt, nails digging and then dragging, digging and then dragging and so on with the same pattern. Although I couldn’t see, I knew I was going to have several grazes from his repeatedly digging nails. I continued though, despite the stinging. Fucking Yoongi roughly had made his back oppress on the ground that could have contained rocks or even a high possibility of something sharp, it scared me but I kept going. In and out, in and out until Yoongi let out a choked out desperate moan with nails now clawing and ripping through more layers of skin. I could feel something hot stream down my back and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was blood. Yoongi was the first to cum, back arching and his hands flailing to the ground and clawing and then going to his face, pressing dirt ridden hands against his mouth. With one more thrust that reached all the way inside him, I released my load. Filling Yoongi up with my hot semen that was now overflowing out of him, I pulled out. Pulling out had made more of my cum drip out, it even stained the grass that Yoongi was lying on. Yoongi sat up, tongue running over his lips and eyes drifting closed from the sweeping exhaustion he felt. Eish, he’s so cute. Lazily he began to fix his clothes, eyes still struggling to keep open. He looked like a panda, one that just wanted to sleep. Fixing my own clothes, I smiled at the boy.

“I’m going back to the dorm. I’m tired.” He mumbled, lips barely moving as he said this. I nodded.

“I’ll see you later then.” I stood up and helped Yoongi get to his feet. Tiredly, he pecked my lips before making his way out of our hiding spot that was behind the bushes. As he headed back to the dorms, I headed to the building that held my classes. I’ll just clean myself at the boy's shower room, I thought as I felt the stickiness attach itself on me.

**/// **

**Friday, ** **7:40 AM **

**Taehyung:** Elongated halls were filled with scurrying students who were in a haste to make it to class in time, Jungkook included. Jungkook’s eyes rimmed with eyeliner surfed over the crowd, books occupying his arms as he was in search of something or someone, probably me. A slightly taller figure showed up behind him, lightly placing a tanned hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. Jungkook turned to face the male, face now colored red, he fiddles with the holes that were in the sleeves of his shirt. Being rich really didn’t improve his taste in style, the sweater he wore contained rips, same with his jeans, you could even see large amounts of pale skin from the large openings on his ripped clothes. Getting closer, I recognized the older male as Kim Namjoon. He was scowling down at Jungkook, hitting him with a notebook over his head.

“You left your notebook, you reckless kid.” Namjoon said with puckered frowning lips.

“You dumb shit. Do you think I didn’t know that?” Jungkook growled, his words hitting Namjoon like a whip and damaging their already bruised relationship. 

“Then why didn’t you come and get it?!?” Namjoon snapped back, shoving the notebook at Jungkook. Jungkook was caught off balance by the shove, textbooks falling and then slamming over the glossy tiles of the floor. He was already kneeling over the books, hands clumsily plucking them up into his arms. Jungkook looked nervous under the glare of Namjoon’s watchful eyes. Remembering what Jungkook had made me go through, I decided to lean back and enjoy the cluttering mess that was going to transpire. 

“Fucking, dick. Douche bag of a fucking cunt. I outta tell my father about this and fire you and leave your fucking poor ass fucking someone for fucking money. You better fucking bow down to me you worthless piece of fucking shit after I fucking pick this up. Tch, you should be the one to be on your fucking hands and knees and picking this shit up.” The heatwave of insults was rapidly piling up, it was hard to grasp all of the insults but some had my eyes widening. 

**Jungkook:** These words filled my throat, over my tongue and poured out of my mouth like a waterfall. It couldn’t be contained, they were out in the open and scattering, the words didn’t only hit Namjoon’s ears, they hit people who walked by. They looked at me, face strewn with disgust from my dirty mouth. My hands quickened, picking book after book. I needed to get away from these eyes; they were burning and leaving me raw, especially Namjoon’s. I didn’t see his face, I didn’t want to either, I did see his hands though, fingers curling within his palms and shaking. He must be angry.

**Yongguk:** Pushing the double doors open, I walked into the school. The cool air inside the building was wrapped around me like a chilled morning breeze. Glimmers of sunlight were blindingly peering through the smudged tainted windows that needed to be wiped down and fellow students were bustling around with disquiet uneasiness. The uneasiness that was transpiring around me was undeniably because of my presence. People either hated me or loved me, at the moment it felt as if people hated me more today. It made me scoff. 

Gliding through hall after hall, I finally saw the recognizable mess of brown hair. The male was just standing there as a stream of peers pushed and shouldered by him without apologizing to him. Although he was being shoved and shouldered he was still in his own world. Approaching him from behind, I plopped my chin onto the top of his head. The boy flinched from the contact but he didn’t dare move.

“What’s so entertaining, freak?” I asked him as my eyes wandered to what had sucked him out of reality. Scowling, I saw a distressed Namjoon and an ill-tempered brat—as known as the chairmen’s son—who I strongly disliked. 

** Taehyung:** While I was watching Jungkook and Namjoon I began to lose myself in my thoughts. It was like being stuck in a whirlwind of darkness and my thoughts spun around me in bulging white letters. I soon snapped out of it once I felt something on top of my head. A deep rugged voice went overhead of me and disappeared into the rest of the chattering students surrounding us. I could also no longer hear Jungkook’s or Namjoon’s voices. They were both swept away from the other cluster of noises. Although I couldn’t quite hear what the voice that snapped me out of my reverie said, I still knew who it was. Yongguk had a one of a kind voice, although it was on the gruff side it was still a voice that would make anyone fall head over heels for him. 

**Yongguk: ** The halls were soon hollowed out and the only noise filling up the burnished gleaming halls were hideous words. The chairmen’s son’s mouth was like a shit-filled gutter, boiling and bubbling then popping and smearing his poison over us. It was polluting the air and I frowned. I could see the humiliation from Namjoon steaming out of him as he bowed down his head and took in every word. He was being lashed at and disgraced and was doing nothing about it. With a scoff, I pulled away from the freak before me and he peeked over to me. Eyes wide and curious, but I pulled my attention away from him. He wasn’t my target at the moment, although, I did need to talk to him, after all, he did see me in a vulnerable state. 

I was already striding towards Namjoon and his impolite company. I knew what I was going to do right away and I did it with no hesitation. Namjoon saw me first, approaching with long strides and my hand reaching out immediately for a handful of the chairmen’s son’s hair. Having that handful of hair I dragged him towards the multicolored lockers that radiated our reflections back at us and I slammed his face against the metal surface. 

**Namjoon:** “YONGGUK!” Idiot! I was automatically at his side, my hand gripping onto his arm and heatwaves passing over me from stress. I was trying to pull him away from Jungkook. Trying to pry his fingers open to let go of his hair, it was a lot harder than it looked. Jungkook’s screams were screeching in my ears like an animal yelping from pain and I could feel my eardrums vibrate. “FUCK! LET HIM GO! DON’T YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?!?”

**Yongguk:** “Of course I do.” I was pushing his head even more and the boy flailed like a fish out of the water, hands slamming against the lockers desperately. It was giving me adrenaline; I wanted to punish him even more. I wanted to make him cry and beat him until he was unrecognizable.

**Namjoon:** What do I do? How do I make him stop? “This is why Yoongi left you! You’re out of control!” I was able to get a glare from him and a dangerous silence hung above us. Slowly, Yongguk’s fingers stiffly unwind themselves from Jungkook’s hair. He dropped his hand to his side and then shoved them into his pockets. Jungkook’s screams came to a stop and he pulled himself away from the locker. Disheveled and trembling, he took a step back. Revealing his face a stream of blood was flowing out of his nose; it went over his thin lips and dripped down his sweater. Good thing his sweater was red and black. From the corner of my eye, I saw someone approaching, his steps were discreet and his eyes were watchful of Yongguk. I recognized him as Jungkook’s friend; he sometimes had walked Jungkook to the library when we had a tutoring session. His hands then reached out for Jungkook and grabbed him by the arm. He led Jungkook away from us and began to walk away with his arm around his waist. Yongguk and I only glared at each other before he decided to walk away.

I found Jungkook and his friend in the bathroom, his friend was tending to him and plugging in tissues in his nose as he sat on the sink. His friend had tried to help him clean up his face but you could still see smears of blood on his deathly pale skin. Jungkook was still trembling, he looked down at his hands and clenched and unclenched them. Don’t get me wrong, I was fucking pissed off still, I wouldn’t say he didn’t deserve that because, in all honesty, he did. The only reason I stopped Yongguk was the fact that he was messing with the chairmen’s son. He could get expelled with a snap of a finger if I don’t do something right now. But, first, I needed a smoke. Going over to the window I pushed it open with ease. Tucked away in my back pocket I pulled out a box of cigarettes and a lighter out. Taking one out and lighting it up, I put it in between my lips and looked over to the two shaken up boys as they whispered towards each other. Taking a drag of my cigarette I began to speak to Jungkook.

“Whatever you do don’t tell your father.” I said breaking their conversation. Silence followed, heavy and dangerous. Jungkook was looking at me with eyebrows furrowed and lips turned down into a frown. 

“What?” He said, the rage came out in flares, I could feel it smothering me. 

“Of course I’m going to tell my dad! That asshole attacked me!” 

“You deserved it!” I retorted. “He’s my best friend! Of course he was going to do that!” 

“He needs to go! He’s always torturing people!” He snapped back. I was silent. It was true. But I didn’t want Yongguk to be expelled; I needed him by my side. 

“I’ll do anything you want me to do. Just… Please, don’t tell your dad.” I said taking another drag of my cigarette. What am I getting myself into? Fuck. Fuck! Jungkook was giving out a surprised look. He must’ve been thinking of ways to use me and to make my life a living hell even more. 

“Deal.” He said and I swallowed.

**To be continued**


	6. Don't Be Like Him/ Are You Okay?

**Saturday, 11:56 AM at the School’s Library **

**Namjoon:** _“The first thing I want you to do is to avoid Yongguk at all times. I don’t care if he’s your roommate, figure it out unless you want me to tell my dad and get him expelled.”_ Jungkook was clear, his voice was stern and harsh and the look in his eyes told me he was taking it seriously. Leaning back on the chair and feeling the wood dig into my back I released a sigh. The words on the textbook in front of me weren’t registering in my mind. All I could think about was the situation with Yongguk and Jungkook. Since the time Jungkook and I made the deal I had been conflicted, despite how awful Yongguk can be, he was still my best friend. Snap, looking down at my hand I saw that I was clutching the pencil so hard that it broke in half. Sighing, I placed the broken pencil with the rest of the pencils I had destroyed the past hour. I should just give up. I can’t concentrate at all.

**Taehyung:** “Don’t you think you're being a bit too hard on him?” Jungkook and I were peering around the bookcase spying on Namjoon.

**Jungkook:** “No. Yongguk had the audacity to treat me like that and humiliate me in front of Namjoon. I’m getting my revenge on him by taking Namjoon away from him.” I mumbled. My heart was still burning from yesterday. Humiliated and ashamed, nobody is going to be left unscathed from making me feel that way.

**Taehyung:** “And you think this is going to help you win points with Namjoon? It’s just going to make him despise you even more.” I said warningly. “Yongguk was only angry because you were-“

**Jungkook:** “Why are you fucking defending him? That pathetic excuse of a human being tortured you week after week.” My patience was running low. Why did I have to remind Taehyung of the constant bullying?

**Taehyung:** “…Doesn’t mean we have to stoop to his level…” My voice was small and full of disappointment. It wasn’t that long ago when you forced me to sneak into his dorm room despite how much I was against it. Despite knowing how much he abused me. I wanted to tell Jungkook that fact, to remind him, but it would probably only get him mad.

**Jungkook:** I wasn’t peering around the bookshelf anymore. Something in me snapped. I was looking Taehyung in the eyes. “What did you say?” Taehyung swallowed, adams apple bobbing and eyes averting me. Shoving him I let out a grunt, “Go on. Say it!” As soon as my actions were displayed and my words were said I instantly regretted it. Taehyung’s eyes were wide and glassy and his face was overflowing with hurt. I went too far.

**Taehyung:** There was no difference between him and Yongguk at this very moment. They were one and the same. “You don’t have to be so aggressive with me. I thought you were my friend.” Stepping back with my head shaking, I finally turned away.

**Jungkook:** “Taehyung! I’m sorry!” Apologizing didn’t help, he was still walking away and soon he was out of my sight. Limp and silently cursing at myself I heard a snort from behind me. Turning around I saw Namjoon looking at me from where he was sitting, he had a look of amusement from my misfortune… I admit. I deserve this. “You live here or something?” I spat distastefully. “I always see you here nerding out.” “Use real words Jungkook. You’re making yourself seem like a fool.” I sizzled and flared as I didn’t have anything to say to that. Folding my arms, I casually walked over to Namjoon. “I hope you’re holding up your end of the deal.”

**Namjoon:** Instinctively, I reached out for a broken pencil, my thumb pressing over the spikes of the wood that was protruding out. “Yes…” I considered myself to be a saint for holding back my tongue. Due to my financial problems, I couldn’t whip rude remarks around as I used to. I felt the corners of my mouth twitch as I thought about lingering memories of how I use to be. Yoongi, Yongguk and I, when we were inseparable, we did as we pleased, even if it was torturing others. But the school's chairman had me sit down and face the facts of me endangering my scholarship and how I was on the edge of getting expelled. After that day the chairman was eyeing me like an ant he was getting ready to step on. “One more misstep and you are out.” His voice was like a judge’s gavel going down on a final verdict.

**Jungkook:** Twirling around me were Taehyung’s words, “It’s just going to make him despise you even more.” They rang with an icy truth. The library was building up an eerie silence. Namjoon’s dark intense eyes ripped away from me as if he was tired of the sight of me. Soon the silence was interrupted by Namjoon’s shuffling as he collected his things and shoved them into his book bag. He even shoved the broken pencils in the book bag. “W-where are you going?” Deflating hope of us getting closer was escalating.

**Namjoon:** Zipping up my book bag and slinging the strap over my shoulder, I looked over to Jungkook under heavy eyelids. “What’s it to you?” Chair screeching back as I stood up, I passed by the younger male.

**Jungkook:** “Are you going to your dorm? If so, I would like to go as well.” Palms nervously running along my side and throat feeling as if there were shards of glass within it, I swallowed with great difficulty. Namjoon didn’t go far, he was just a few feet away before he stopped and looked over to me with those intense eyes that made me feel naked all the time.

“What? Are you insane?” He said with thin fingers running through silver locks of hair. I gulped, eyes fondling over him, plaid shirt tucked in and jeans that fitted around his waist, thighs, and legs perfectly were making my mouth water. Usually, when I approached him I would ridicule his sense of style, but the words I truly wanted to say was how deliciously hot he looked in those clothes. I even struggled with the thought of ripping the clothes off him and admiring his slender lanky body in just boxer briefs or just leaving it on him just to keep admiring how good he looks. I always daydreamed about it. Yes, I had so many filthy thoughts of Namjoon coursing through my mind on a daily basis. It had always been like that since the first time I saw him.

“I’m not insane,” I said waving away thoughts that shouldn’t invade my mind. “I don’t trust you near Yongguk. You may think I am not taking this seriously but I am. One misstep from you and it’ll lead to the expulsion of your so-called friend.”

“You know that’s impossible. I’m going to have to talk to him eventually. He’s my goddamn roommate.” His voice rose with annoyance.

My mouth was dry. I had a proposal for Namjoon. I had been on the luxury of my bed last night looking around my room, a large number of unoccupied areas were open across the living space and that’s when I saw it, I imagined an extra bed in the corner and Namjoon surrounded by textbooks and energy drinks and the scribbling of pencils on paper were in the air erupting through the silence. It gave me a thrill of the thought of it. No more being by myself and being followed by lingering loneliness. But I didn’t know how to introduce this thought.

“I have a proposition.” I tried to make my words not go out in an uneasy manner, even though I was sweating bullets from what I was about to say as Namjoon watched me with observant eyes. I noticed the corner of his lips twitch down. “You can be my roommate.” A drag of long silence followed my statement.

“You’re insane.” He said incredulously. In all honesty, I expected this, and with that, Namjoon was turning around and walking away from me. It was the end of this conversation for now. I dragged my feet as I went over to a chair and slumped on it.

**///**

**Saturday, 2:22 PM at the Student’s Lounge**

**Yongguk:** Everyday it felt as if the floor underneath me was splitting, soon it would be wide enough for me to fall into a pit of nothingness and I had this theorization that no one would care, or, so I thought until I saw Yoongi. Yoongi had this strange habit to sleep in the oddest of places imaginable, for example, where he was sleeping now. He was able to squeeze himself inside a fireplace. Eyeing him a little longer I had no doubt about it, he would care—care way too much for my liking—I honestly couldn’t have that anymore. Cold beer tucked into one of my scarred hands and a pocket knife in the other, I sat in front of the fireplace. 

“That’s a danger hazard.” I said as I used my knife to open the beer bottle.

“And you’re not allowed to have beer in the school.” Yoongi nipped back telling me he wasn’t asleep at all. His nose reacted to the smell of the beer with a cute little wrinkle.

“Awake, huh? Couldn’t sleep?” I said blowing over the top of the beer bottle so the smell wafted over to Yoongi even more.

**Yoongi:** Groaning, I opened my eyes and swatted at the air in front of me to wave the smell away. Blurring and then coming into focus was Yongguk. The usually straight down hairdo was instead swept back, and the clothes he wore were unusually bright today and it contrasted his dark personality. Another thing that was odd was the fact that bright colors caused him a migraine, so to see him in the too big yellow t-shirt made my eyebrows furrow. My mind began to go into uncharted territory as I kept staring, I imagined his upper body bare, his tattoos in view and striking. During the times we dated I enjoyed pressing my palms on him and running them over the tattoos, drinking the details in and wondering what the meaning behind them was. Thinking about it made me feel a pit of guilt in my stomach, uneasy and nervous; it told me there were still lingering feelings for this man with the gummy smile he barely showed. I wanted to see that smile, not this serious eyed man that had no sparks in his eyes and looked that he could break me further than he already has.

“No, I couldn’t sleep,” I replied, my eyes narrowing away from him. “Not with that smell.” I flashed a glance at the beer bottle. Safe to say I had major issues with alcohol, not just alcohol but drugs as well. When I first met Yongguk I was a mess, he had found me with a pile of vomit, pathetic and cringe-worthy of a sight, he had managed to clean me up and directed me into a cleaner path. Shocking, I know. Especially from someone who seemed so cold. During that time I had pushed Jin away; his clinging hands that wanted to help me were slapped away and spat on. I think it’s the reason why he didn’t want to make us official. He wasn’t the one to guide me, to help me breathe a little, it was Yongguk. It was like finally being able to reach the surface of a pool made of black tar and having the long-awaited breath air that I longed for. Jin was right, I still had feelings, and they were just pushed down. I was staring again.

“What? You’re falling in love with me again?” Yongguk mocked. “You’re the one who dumped my ass.” He reminded but it was mostly a tease.

“I love Jin.” I only said it to remind myself who I truly loved, not to give Yongguk the heartbreaking news but to get into my thick skull that it only has to be Jin and no other person. 

**Yongguk:** My mouth went dry and I looked over to the empty space in front of me. Anywhere was better than looking at the space Yoongi occupied. “Love is such a strong word Yoongi. You shouldn’t use it so lightly” And with that I gulped down my entire beer. This is good, he’s over me. I tried to convince myself but in the end, I couldn’t. 

The student lounge was its own building and was designed like a cabin, in all honesty, it was pretty fucking cool. High ceiling windows where anyone could look inside and see every movement you did, large double doors that leaded to a courtyard out in the back and you could see the green grass outstretched into a forest. The trees were startling tall, taller than I had seen back home, made sense since it was a forest, it was great for summer, I would sink into a pile of leaves and be protected from the sun with the shadows of the trees that cast over me. I remember being there with Yoongi, he was slicked with sweat and beneath me as I entered him, rough and needy. It was early summer and I wanted him so bad that I did him outside; I didn’t care about the branches underneath him that scraped into his skin or the dirt that was sticking to his sweat-soaked body as I fucked him. I only cared about myself and Yoongi only cared about pleasing me. Now that I had time to think about it, why did he let me do that? I added onto his wounded body and didn’t care. He was just there with closed eyes and hands digging into the dirt and soft grunts following the sounds of birds chirping and nearby chattering of gossiping students that were oblivious to us.

My mind was back to reality when I saw shuffling in the corner of my eye. Yoongi was crawling out of the fireplace, my eyes eyed him hungrily and before he could stand up I grabbed onto his arm, my grip was hard like overly tightened handcuffs that bruised and choked your wrists. Yoongi was just looking back at me with intense eyes. They warningly told me to let him go but a whisper in my mind was coaxing me to get my way with him. It told me to pin him down and rip those unnecessary clothes away from him and let him shrivel underneath me with pleading eyes. I wanted to fuck him so hard and hear him moan uncontrollably. I would do it better than Jin. 

“Yongguk.” He called me away from my trance. I was looking into exhausted eyes that told me he didn’t want to fight with me. My hand still didn’t budge, they tightened and by the wince he made, I knew it hurt him. Yoongi could handle a little pain, though. I wouldn’t be surprised if he enjoyed it. He pulled, my fingers digging into his skin even more. Let go. Let go. Let go. My mind finally got the message and my fingers uncurled and strayed away from the warmth of his skin. His own fingers tentatively went around his wrist as he gave me a sour expression. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” He mumbled.

“What’s wrong with me? You’re the problem.” I replied, voice low and calm

“My fault? Don’t blame me for your fuck-ups.” His voice rose but he caught himself and lowered his voice as someone came in and settled on one of the old Victorian couches that was up against the wall. My thumb ran over the lip of the beer bottle. The smell was still swaying in the air. My heart beating rapidly from Yoongi’s true words.

“You’re as much as a fuck up. It’s the reason why you have those bruises.” A half-smile formed on my lips. “Is it your father? Does he beat you because you’re a fuck up?” Yoongi was rigid and tense. “That’s why you like it rough, right? You like being punished because you think you deserve it? You probably do.” Mind racing and mouth moving without a thought, I was struggling so damn hard to stop talking like this. But he hurt me; he didn’t have to tell me I was a fuck up. I already knew.

“Yoongi, let’s go.” Hearing that voice made my insides flip. Looking behind me, I saw Jin. He was hovered over me and he had taken both of our attention.

“Your mighty savior is here to protect you from the truth.” I drawled as I leaned back and wished I had another beer.

“Fuck you, Yongguk.” Jin sneered.

“Go away prince charming. Yoongi and I are having a private conversation.” I licked my lips teasingly at Jin. The more he stood there the more riled up he got. I heard a scoff from Yoongi. I bet he rolled his eyes, I wish my sight was filled with him instead of Jin. Yoongi was more pleasant to look at than Jin.

“Yoongi, come on. Get up. Let’s get out of here.” Jin folded his arms and continued to glare at me.

“Yea, Suga. Go to your master.” A sharp pain went on my chest, gasping I was hunching over in a split second. Eyes automatically went over to Yoongi who was standing up. He was curling and uncurling one of his hands that he used to land a heavy punch on my chest. My lungs were caught in my throat for a moment. Damn it. I wish I was use to that by now since my father’s overly large grubby hands would always hit me on the chest with a full force that made me forget to breathe for a moment.

“I have no fucking master. You fucking piece of shit.” He was grumbling in a low tone with eyebrows furrowed and lips turned downward. "You went too fucking low and don't ever call me that again."

Breaking into a sweat, I saw my father. I know he was just in my head but even the hallucination of him was terrifying. At times when someone does an action that my father displays I would see him, it felt really fucking raw. I could see large eyebrows furrow, lips moving and spit escaping his mouth and eyes looking at me so wild that I honestly thought he could just kill me with the way he looked at me alone. Then his body would be tense and rigid, muscles bulging as if they were going to burst and veins popping. Shivers went down my body and I broke into a cold sweat as his red enveloped face was in my mind. Fuck, fuck, fuck, how do I get out of this fucking trance? 

“Yongguk… Are you okay?” 

The real world came into focus and I was in the luxury of the student lounge again. The carpet underneath me, rays of light illuminating the room, the smell of lilac finally dying out the beer smell, it was all coming back to me one by one. Looking around I noticed through my trance that Yoongi and Jin left and Jimin replaced the spot that Yoongi was on. Getting up, I wiped my sweaty palms over my jeans and only gave Jimin another glance before I left without a word.

**To Be Continued**

**Next Update on Monday 30th**

**=P**


	7. Late Night/ Mold Me/ Two Years Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Able to finish this early. I'm curious, who's your favorite ship so far? No relationship is set so it could go anywhere. Haha.

**Sunday, 3:45 AM at Taehyung’s and Hoseok’s Dorm**

**Taehyung:** _Knock, knock, knock_, the knocking was going on for a while and I was so infuriated from the disturbance that I had decided to let them wait. The knocking was growing weaker as if they were getting tired, when it settled to a soft sound I began to hear gibberish on the other side of the door and it was as if they didn’t know how to speak Korean dialect. Who was behind the door? I looked over to the side. Hoseok’s bed empty and still neatly made. I haven’t seen him at all since this morning. So, it was either Hoseok or Jungkook who wanted to apologize once again. I looked at the phone in my hand, pressing the home button and letting the screen’s light blind me for a split second. Nineteen messages from Jungkook, all nineteen still unread. Slipping the phone on the nightstand I rolled off my bed. Heaving a sigh and hearing the creeks accompany my every movement I hesitantly reached for the doorknob hoping it wasn’t Jungkook. It was too early to deal with him.  
Hoseok was leaning on the wall for support when I opened the door. Face flushed red and lips cracked dry with his tongue running over his bottom lip and eyes struggling to stay open as he released a smile.  
“Taetae!” He drawled a little bit too loudly and I had to hush him into the room. Closing the door behind me and watching Hoseok stumble to his bed was actually quite entertaining. I watched him with a raised eyebrow before catching the scent of strong alcohol coming in waves. “What,” hiccup, “took you,” hiccup, “so,” hiccup, “long?” Struggling to take off his shoes he continued to hiccup.  
Blindly, I reached out for the light switch; I wanted to get a better view of Hoseok. Once they were on I heard a groan and looked over Hoseok. His arm was shielding the light away and I chuckled. Orange hair was mussed in every direction and his eyelids fluttered open and shut. His hair wasn’t the only disoriented thing about him, his button-up collared shirt was wrongly buttoned, and half of it was tucked in. There was also a stain on the shirts chest area. His pants were also unbuttoned and I wondered how his pants managed to get unbuttoned. Then a flash of panic rose in me making me close the distance between us in large rushed strides. Kneeling in front of him I felt my heart thrum rapidly.  
“Hoseok, are you okay? No one took advantage of you, right?” I asked checking him for any marks. How else would his pants be unbuttoned? Unbuttoning his shirt and running my hands over the smooth surface of his collar bone to make sure there was no sign of foul play. I searched the rest of his upper area and it seemed to be clear. Noticing the silence made my hands stop over his chest, it was rising and falling in slow rhythms. No protests or pushing me away? My eyes were slowly traveling over his abdomen and then his collar bone that made a soft tickle rise in my chest. Soon I was looking at his face, his eyes so soft and caring with a small smile creasing his lips. I gulped, trembling hands pulling away from the contact they had with Hoseok but then he grabbed them in his own hands. They were so soft but then I saw the marks. His knuckles covered with dry blood and bruises.  
“I’m fine Taehyung.” He mumbled, his eyebrows creased and it looked like he was trying to think things through. “No did anything to me.” My heart was able to be at ease knowing nothing happened to him.  
“Okay…” Interrupting the long drawl of silence. “Good.” I add. Head nodding. With a slip, my hands were not in Hoseok’s anymore and I was trembling to touch him again. To feel the hotness of his body, to take in his natural scent and sweep my hands over places it shouldn’t. I could do it now, I knew for a fact I could do it now. Especially when he was drunk, maybe he wouldn’t remember me violating him. I imagine my mouth on Hoseok, on hot skin and over his pretty pink lips that were still smiling at me. I imagine teeth smashing and lips pressing wet and desperate as I wildly kiss him. What am I thinking? “What happened? Why did you decide to get drunk?” Shame hung like lanterns all around me.  
“I got fired…” Looking at Hoseok, I felt myself ache for him.  
“That sucks.” Useless words, nothing that could help Hoseok’s crumbling heart.  
“Yea…” Hunching over and burying his face in the closure of his hands he let out a sigh. “I’m going to bed.” He mumbled. The tenderness in his face was gone and it was filled with years of exhaustion. Nodding, I was about to make my way to my bed until he grabbed my waist and pulled me towards him. Sweating bullets, I side glanced Hoseok.  
“H-Hoseok, isn’t this a little too much?” I asked, my heart trembling.  
As a reply, I heard a snore.

*******

**Hoseok:** Something twisted in my arms, a murmur whistling in the air and drawing me from the darkness. My head pounded in a rhythmic manner and my eyes fluttered open. Body against body, heat smashing into one another from the closeness, my arms were wrapped around his head where it was tucked under my chin and nuzzled onto my neck. Panic was rising, crushing me into a stupor. Taehyung’s hot breath was running on my neck, tickling me and enticing me into a state of madness. I let out a hot breath of my own, I wanted more. I wanted him to cast soft whispers on my skin; I wanted him to make me shudder and crumble underneath him.  
“Damn it. What am I thinking?” I mumbled. As my arms unwrapped from him, his arms tightened even more around my waist. He pressed against me, leg forcing its way between mine and pressing on my bulge. I released a grunt, trying not to get excited from this position.

**Taehyung:** Mmmm, so warm, but the smell was a strong musk entwined with the smell of beer. But, it was just too comfortable. Do I really have to move? I struggled to open my eyes; they were heavy and still begged for more sleep. My sight was filled with a close up of someone’s neck and I reminisced the drunken Hoseok who came late last night, disrupting my sleep. I slowly pushed myself up, my elbow holding me upright on the bed. Hoseok was wide awake, his eyes full with desperation. Did he want to get away from me that bad?  
“Sorry.” I murmured, ruffling my hair until I came to a realization. “Actually, why am I apologizing?” Anger erupted, anger from being disrupted in the middle of the night, anger from always apologizing to someone, anger from letting people push me around. “You’re the one who came here late last night, almost waking up the whole dormitory and then you’re the one who pulled me into your arms and fell asleep! So, no, I don’t need to apologize!”  
Hoseok sat up, wide eyes looking into me. Bedridden hair was sticking out and glazed eyes scanned over me. “I-I’m sorry.” He sputtered. “I didn’t mean to do that. I just had a drink and then another and then another… I didn’t know when to stop.” His guilt was rushing over me, drowning me and making my spine weaken.  
“I didn’t mean to blow up on you. I just had a bad week.” Slipping away made my skin go cold, I traveled over to my bed. “Just don’t do it again.”  
“Excuse me?” Hoseok’s voice rose and made me look his way in surprise by the tone of his voice. Another kind of tension was sailing through the room; it was Hoseok's exuviated anger. “Every day, every single freaking day I tell you to stop with your damn toys and what do I get? ‘I can’t help it, I need to please myself.’ But when I come home drunk for a valid reason you respond with ‘don’t do it again?’” His body stiffened, chest heaving and deflating and he struggled to stand. “I wish I never had you as a roommate.” His words were like fire, burning me as he made his way out of the room and I watched with my mouth agape.

  
**///**

**Sunday, 5:46 AM at Yongguk’s and Namjoon’s Dorm**

**Yongguk:** Both arms were occupied by two girls. One with flaming red hair, her personality matched her hair, always on fire and full of spunk. The other, sweet faced and black hair that stretched on for ages. Everything on my bed was tangled, the sweat soaked bodies, coiled blankets—the blankets didn’t cover much, you could still see their perky breast out and about and endless gleaming skin overlapping more skin—and the girls hair tangled and latched onto anything it could reach. We were drowning in empty beer cans. I was the one who gulped down most of the beer, trying to block out the suffocation of their constant touching.  
During our little party last night, Namjoon was sitting crossed legged on his bed. It was the usual sight, textbooks, notebooks, yada, yada, yada. Through the entire time he was silent but I saw the skin between his eyebrows wrinkle and his lips twitching with annoyance. He wanted to say something but he only bit his tongue and only glared at the sight of us as we fucked.  
I looked over to his side of the room; it would have been cleaner if it weren’t for me. My belongings were scattered and stretched over to his side but it never bothered him. Namjoon was always patient with me. I was blind to Namjoon getting up; I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even see him rummage and pack his things. I only noticed him when he stopped in front of our door. He looked over his shoulder and we made eye contact.  
“You know you got me, right? If you ever want to talk…” He paused, eyes lingering over the tragic sight of me. “You don’t need to keep doing this.” Hands gestured at me and the girls and the beer cans that hinted at the untold story of my tragic life. I tried drinking away that tragic life. It works for a while. Once the beer was out of my system everything was crashing down, like a tsunami slamming down on a whole fucking starlight of buildings that weren’t prepared for the impact.  
“No. I don’t.” I agreed, my eyes not focused on Namjoon anymore, just on the dull white ceiling. Long breath and leaning over, I detached myself from the girls. No more skin on skin and no more body parts clinging and smothering me. I looked at the girl with the flaming hair, she looked peaceful. Like nothing could hurt her while she was in this state. Luckily, she had me to wake her up from that. With one hard push she was rolling off the bed and then hit the floor with a thud. Following that sound was a snort coming from Namjoon. The other girl scrambled awake and was leaning over me so fast that I didn’t have time to register her in. She was reaching out for her friend who was sitting up and cursing with no censor.  
“WHAT THE FUCK YONGGUK?!?” She exclaimed.  
“What? You were in my personal space.” I smirked. I’m such an asshole. I’m sorry. “Start packing your shit and get out of here.” Swinging my legs off the bed and standing I began to collect their clothes and shoved it into their hands as they got up. They began to pull on their clothes in a hurry as I began to push them out. Namjoon was watching with one raised eyebrow and arms that trembled to keep his textbooks from falling out of his grip. Once the girls were out and the door was closed I went back to my own pile of clothes. I bet Namjoon was eye fucking me while I was just in my boxers.  
“That was harsh.”  
Looking over to him I smiled, the rare gummy smile that everyone seems to like. I was right. He was eye fucking me. His dark eyes looked at me hungrily; they ran over my bare shoulders then lower to my abdomen and soon to the bulge in my boxer briefs. As I continuingly covered myself with layer after layer of clothing he frowned. Desperate fuck. So desperate that he would want a sick fuck like me.  
“They’ll get over it. They always do.”  
“Oh, so it’s not a random girl you just grab and have your way with?” He teased. They weren’t random. Krystal and Hyerin. I liked them but didn’t show it. I couldn’t afford them to warm up to me. Not with all the baggage I held. Honestly, I liked those girls, and if I was still the same Yongguk from years ago then I knew we would have been friends and I wouldn’t only use them for a sexual release. But I’m not the same person and I can never go back.  
You see, people calculate things from my looks. They strip me down of my real identity and make one up. It starts out with one person, then it sparks and flares until the entire school suddenly have you categorized as what they see. It doesn’t end there, once people have you written off as the school bully or the abusive alcoholic or even the fuck boy, it starts to mold you in the way people see you. I wasn’t always like this. Even when my father was beating me until I was black and blue or fucking me until my legs gave out, I still had fucking perspective. I was still humane and I cared for people. When they wept I ached for them, when they berated themselves I wanted to encourage them, support them, but what did they do for me? They scraped my skin, one that I worked on for years and then plastered their own, making it repulsive, morbid, even I couldn’t look. For fucks sake, I loved Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. How did this happen? When did I let people start changing me?

**Namjoon:** In the background, the window framed the pastel colors of an early morning. The sun treaded slowly, highlighting Yongguk as he began to rummage through garbage. His dark hair was brighter and the light was detailing his years of exhaustion, heavy drawn circles around crescent eyes, face thinning and making his jaw line even sharper than it already was and the fact that he was losing his richly tan skin tone for a paler and sicker look was sending warning signs to me. I would ask if he was okay but I could play out his reaction already, steel cold eyes with the company of a forced out smile and then he would tell me that he was just fine and to worry about myself.  
“What?” He asked, his voice composed and not giving out a hint of distress. It was the opposite of the way he looked.  
“Nothing.” I answered.  
“Then don’t look at me like that.” He mumbled and continued to scan the floor. Plucking up garbage and throwing it away as he searched for something. “Don’t look at me as if I’m broken.” He crouched down next to the bean bag chair, lifting it and then dropping it when he didn’t find what he was looking for. “Even though I am.” He admitted with distant eyes. “I’m still not yours to fix.”  
I swallowed. But, what if I can? What if I can help mend you? What if I can take away your problems? His eyes were searching for the item and flickering to me as he stood up. I don’t know if he gave up on the item he was searching for but he only focused on me now. His eyes scanning me, it made me feel vulnerable, self-conscious.  
“Why are you still standing there? Go where ever you were headed. Don’t let me stop you.”  
“Yongguk—“ Say something, say anything to help your broken friend.  
Then he was striding towards me, his long legs took him right in front of me in mere seconds, his hand grabbing my arm and then pulling roughly. Opening the door he pushed me out, hand still tightened around my arm.  
“Don’t Yongguk me.” He scoffed. “Go fix your own fucking problems.” The blow was coming, the one that was making me shift uncomfortably and I thought to myself, Yongguk, choose your next words carefully. But I knew Yongguk, when he didn’t want anyone to pry into his life or show concern, he would say something that hit the right spot, which made you want to distance yourself from him. “Shouldn’t you be aiding your mother? Or is she not alive anymore? Is that it, Namjoon? You couldn’t help your poor mother so you have to try to help me?” Cruel smile carved into his face. The world didn’t exist anymore. It was just me and Yongguk and right now I wish he was the last person I was with. I yanked myself away from his grip. I tried to swallow but there was nothing there to swallow, my mouth was completely dry.  
I walked away without saying a word; my heart heavier than the textbooks in my arms.

**Yongguk:** I’m a wicked human being, my mouth had no filters and my mind fast-tracked past the guilt. My stomach still felt it, though, opening with rushed hatred of myself, and deep within my chest it was prickling and sparking sympathetically for Namjoon. I poured cement over myself to toughen out my skin and mind and to shield myself away from the pained look Namjoon inherited from my thoughtless words. It was no time to focus on more of my mistakes; if I did, I would be here until the sun went down.  
Back in the room with the door shut I went back to hunting. The dog tag with my sister’s name was gone. The recognizable glint nowhere to be seen as my eyes scanned the floor desperately. All I could see was my damaged self reflecting on the empty beer cans that taunted me. Through the reflection I saw myself crack, pieces of me missing or crumbling and turning into ash and I thought to myself, Tiffany would have loved this sight of me.

**///**

**Sunday, 7:05 PM in Yoongi’s and Jin’s Dorm Room**

  
_“What is a little boy like you out so late?” Little boy? My eyes lingered over the wet slick pavement; glistening reflections from puddles showed me thick trees with naked branches and a ‘little boy’ accompanied by an older man. They were both taking shelter in a gazebo, the floor creaking by each movement. The ‘little boy’ was drenched, wet hair slicked onto his forehead and clothes sucking onto his skin, it was smothering and uncomfortable. What you couldn’t see in the reflection were blushes of purple and black bruises striking over moist pearlescent skin._  
_“What do you want?” The guy had ulterior motives. I could sense it through the thick rain and humidity. Stomach roiled and buzzed from days without eating and I was physically exhausted._  
_Silence. _  
_I side-eyed him. He was taller, more built, his suit fit around him perfectly, as if he had a tailor make it for him specifically. Ripples of brown hair were brushed back and thick heavy-set eyebrows lined above eyes that were as dark as a night sky. His face was long and attractive; it was the type that girls have been fawning over recently. _  
_What was he playing at? He wanted something. _  
_“Do you want to fuck me? Is that what it is?” _  
_It was his turn to side-eye me now._  
_“What makes you think that?” He looked amused, one thick eyebrow rose and his lips creased into a smirk, revealing heavy dents of laugh lines._  
_“Well, first off, you have an umbrella.” I pointed out. “And that suit is obviously fucking tailored for you, how much did that cost? Thousands of dollars? And if you can afford that then you most definitely have a wickedly cool car.” And the goddamn shoes, they screamed I have money. My point, this dude has a shit load of money in his wallet and he has many ways to avoid getting drenched by the violently splashing rain, he didn’t need to hideout in a gazebo unless he wanted something from me._  
_“You caught me.” Flirtatious deep voice, so velvety and smooth that it would make any girl drop their panties right there. Luckily, I was a guy and I don’t fall for that shit so easily, but as a guy, a hungry guy, I would do about anything for money at the moment._  
_“Pay me and I’ll let you fuck me.” Sex was easy, you just lie there and let them do what they want as you drift off into a state of limbo. Well, for me it was easy._  
_“Suga.” The name had meaning, so much meaning that I let out a long breath. I knew exactly who this guy was now._

  
**Jin:** There was a period of time when I wasn’t with Yoongi, it was the beginning of high school and my mother called our relationship toxic and sent me to this boarding school. Freshmen year was spent without him, then sophomore year, we spoke through video calls but it wasn’t the same. He was always distant, something else had his attention while we talked. The many times I tried to reach out to him were thrown back into my face. Then I realized she was right, it was toxic, but I liked the poison Yoongi bred me. I drank it in as if I needed it to survive like I had no water in my system and my insides were being sun bathed and shriveled. I could never let him go despite the turmoil of feelings I had.  
During those two years, I felt as if I missed a huge chunk of his life. The years that I spent with him didn’t matter, the things I knew about his family didn’t matter. The only years that mattered were those two specific years and what happened in that small amount of time. And, of course, Yongguk was part of one of those years.  
Standing in front of my desk I was categorizing my work, a pile that was crucial to finish right away and then one that could wait. Yoongi’s presence was like a ghost, you could feel him, lingering against your skin, knowing he was here but then he really wasn’t. He pulled my worried eyes over to him, his eyes dazed as he plucked a strawberry from a bowl, no sound following it. So silent that it made goose bumps travel up my arms and neck. His thoughts enthralled him, sinking him into something that wasn’t here and now. Should I snap him away from those thoughts? A strawberry was placed over his lips, a beautiful pastel pink that glistened from the water that came from the strawberry.  
“Suga?” Through the sludge of thoughts that he was going through, I was surprised that he looked at me right away. He lowered the strawberry, running his tongue over his wet stained lips and frowned.  
“Don’t call me that.” He mumbled, his eyes swaying towards the bowl of strawberries and putting back the one that he had in his hand.  
“Why not? Yongguk called you that.”  
“And he got punched for it.” He snapped.  
The remaining papers in my hands were shoved on my desk. My lips tightening into a line before I spoke “Don’t do that. Don’t snap at me! It’s me, Jin! I’m not Yongguk! Treat me with respect… Like the way I treat you.” I said exasperated. My words uselessly hung in the stillness of the room, he didn’t even look at me, the damn strawberries were more important than me. My hands clutched onto the papers on my desk, looking down I saw the piles were ruined and the papers mixed. “Why are we even together?” I mumbled. “You don’t even trust me.” My eyes burned from threatening tears but I was able to blink them away. Shaky breath and the rustle of Yoongi standing up from his bed made my eyes wander to him. Bowl of strawberries being wrapped by his arms and pressed into his stomach. Once he was next to me he plucked up a strawberry and pressed it to my lips. Hesitant, I opened my mouth and took it in as our eyes never ripped away from one another.  
“I’m sorry.” He began with his sad smile carving into my heart. “Forgive me?”  
“No.” It came out abrupt. “No, I won’t.” I said chewing on the strawberry, my attention was always brought back to the papers; I needed them as a distraction so I wouldn’t self destruct from Yoongi’s games. Swallowing the sweetness of the strawberry, my hands automatically fiddled with my homework. “I’m tired Yoongi. You mentally exhaust me.” My voice trembled. “This relationship… It’s toxic. You’re broken, irreparable.” Don’t listen to these words. I’m just angry.  
“.......I’m not going to lie… That fucking hurt, Jin.”  
“Then you know how I feel on a daily basis.”

**Yoongi:** Never have I heard Jin say something cruel enough to make my heart go in trembles and make my insides flow with grief. Every breath I made was thick, I repeatedly swallowed but the thickness was perpetual. Needing a moment, I walked away, plopping the bowl down on my own desk I pulled at the computer chair and set myself on it.  
“Well, I’m sorry.” My voice was probably not sincere enough because he kept going through his school work as if I didn’t say anything. “Jin.” I called out. Only crickets answered me through the twilight. Distraught by Jin’s silence and that damn ruffling of papers, I began to cave in. It was my own evasive ways that brought this upon me, but what if I was scared? What if what I was holding back from him would affect our relationship? “What do you want me to do Jin?” I asked pathetically, pleading eyes looking his way. He only spared a glance towards my direction, stuffed his work in his book bag and then finally faced me,  
“I want to know you. I want to know your struggles. I want to know the things that Yongguk knows about you.” This conversation was always going to be brought up no matter what; I could see it from miles away.  
“Look, I was a druggy, an alcoholic. That’s all. Nuff said.” Please don’t keep poking into this.  
“There’s more to the story.” He wasn’t going to let this go.  
“You’ll think differently of me,” I warned.  
“No I won’t.” He countered.  
Same thoughts repeatedly lapped over and over and over in my head. You will think differently about me, you will be disgusted in what I did… You won’t love me anymore. I felt like a teen girl, a puddle of emotions and confusion. This is what Jin made me become, I was a feeble mess in the palm of his hands and he would play with me, stretch me out, roll me back into a ball and then stretch me out again until I ripped and confetti scattered everywhere, coloring the darkness around me.  
“I killed someone during those two years.” This is all you’re going to get.

**To Be Continued**


End file.
